#but I’ve literally been using this thing since I was 12 I’m pretty sure it’s safer f

[splicejunction]

Niche climbing post sorry but people have been top rope belaying with ATCs for literally like 50 years or something and now you go to these new gyms and they force you to use a grigri due to woke I hate it

I literally just wanted to make this post so I could say they won’t let you belay with an ATC anymore due to woke but if you care this is a grigri

this is my ATC that I inherited from my dad it’s probably older than I am and will last until the heat death of the universe and doesn’t have any weird levers or secret channels for the rope to go in and I’ve never dropped anyone ever

[iluvmattsbeard]

Wet Dreamz (m.s)

master list

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: smut and swearing

preview: matt and you were partners for a project. he unexpectedly started having sinful dreams about you, suddenly craving you ever since. one thing nobody knew; he was a virgin.

“y/n, you will be partnered with Matt.” the teacher says trying to grab your attention. “y/n? are you listening?” you snap out of your thoughts and look at him. “huh?” you ask. “you’re partnered with Matt for this project.” he replies with an unamused look. you look around before you look back at him. “who’s that?” you ask.

he lets out a sigh before speaking, “Matt raise your hand.” you look around again as you catch the eyes of a brown haired boy. you weren’t mad about it. he looked decent.

you get up and walk to where he was sitting. “next time y/n, i expect you to be paying attention. this project will effect your grade drastically if you do poorly.” you hear the teacher say looking at you. all you do is nod. you were barely passing the class.

Matt’s POV

i got paired with y/n. she didn’t even know who i was. i knew of her because she would get in trouble constantly due to her lack of focus. as she came to sit next to me, we clicked right away. we both dreaded school, but who doesn’t? as much as i didn’t like school, i still paid attention, unlike her, so i had to explain the whole point of the project to her.

we exchanged numbers after class so that we could talk about when we could meet up to work on it. we only had two weeks to complete it. i knew i had to stand on top of it because i know she won’t.

a few days pass, me and y/n still working on the project together, with us having to meet at lunch. i got to know a little bit more about her. she was pretty cool to talk to. we even started texting without talking about the project itself. so when this is done, it’d be cool to hang with her.

meeting during lunch really wasn’t a good idea. there was too much distractions. so i took the opportunity to invite her over to my place after school. she agreed and i ended up driving her with me once the final bell rang.

End of Matt’s POV

you and Matt were in his room as you sat on the floor. you were reading over some information from the website the teacher recommended and you were feeling overwhelmed. “all of this is hurting my head.” you say laying back on the floor. Matt lets out a small laugh as he responds, “me too. i don’t get how this will be beneficial in the future.” you shot up looking at him, “exactly! school is so bullshit to me. they don’t even teach real world shit.” you say sighing. “i agree. but i didn’t put up with almost 12 years of school just to fail.” he says. you groan, “right. it would be wasteful. i’m pretty sure you don’t have anything to worry about. my grades are literally on the edge of failing.” “well, i could help you.” he suggests. all you do is let out a laugh, “trust me, teaching me is hard.”

“i’ve been teaching you these past days. trust me i know.” Matt responds as you both let out a laugh. “it’s hot in here.” you say taking off your hoodie, pulling down your shirt as it lifted a bit. Matt looks at you as he catches a glimpse of your cleavage. he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. where has all of that been hiding? he wonders. “well let’s continue working on this.” he says trying to move past it. all you do is nod as you lay on your stomach continuously reading.

when you weren’t paying attention, Matt would stare at you slightly. he would stare at the way your tits were pressed against the floor, thinking how perfect they were.

after a few hours, Matt takes you home. “thank you for the ride.” you say smiling, slinging your backpack on one shoulder. “yeah of course” he replies. you open the door stepping out, but as you get up, your hoodie raises slightly revealing your thong peeking out above your jeans slightly. Matt catches a glimpse turning red. you shut the door and walk away. he sits there in his car for a bit as he gulps before driving away.

Matt arrives home tidying his room before going to bed. he picks up one of his notebooks as he sees a sticky note on it reading, ‘thank you for dealing with me as a partner - Y/N’.

he smiles at the note as he puts it down on his bed side table, getting into bed. as he lays there, he couldn’t help but think about what his eyes caught from you earlier. your cleavage and your thong. he couldn’t stop thinking about it. “Matt stop that.” he whispers to himself before shutting his eyes going to sleep.

Matt’s dream POV

you and Matt were sitting on your bed working on the project. Matt wasn’t paying attention to you as much and you were bothered by it. you took matters into your hands and you closed the book he was studying. you got on top of him, sitting on his lap as he gets caught off guard. you pull him into a passionate kiss and next thing you knew, you were under the covers tangled together naked.

End of Matt’s dream

Matt’s POV

i woke up sitting up quickly with my breathing uneven. what was that?! my heart was racing. did i just have a wet dream?!

i pulled up the covers to see a wet stain on top of the crotch of my sweats. what the fuck. this has never happened before. with y/n?! why? because of what i saw yesterday? i never even had sex before. how could i have easily dreamed of it? i gulp before getting up. i head to the bathroom to clean myself. i really can’t believe that just happened. now all i could do is replay it in my head. i groan at the thought.

after i got ready, i headed straight to school. on the drive there, i still couldn’t stop replaying everything that happened in my dream. even if i tried to distract myself, it wouldn’t go away. i needed it bad.

End of Matt’s POV

you and Matt were in class as you tried to tell him a story. all he was doing was nodding and staying quiet. “Matt? are you okay?” you question. he shakes his head before speaking, “yeah- yeah i’m good. sorry.” you give him a questionable look as you reply, “well you weren’t really paying attention as i spoke.” you laugh a bit. “oh i was.” he says with a nervous smile. “yeah okay.” you say turning your body straight, pretending to pay attention to the teacher.

Matt does the same as he groans quietly to himself. he didn’t know if he should tell you or not about what he imagined. he decided to shrug it off.

it was the end of the day again as you both end up at Matt’s house. you were standing up as you rehearsed your lines on what to say for the presentation. Matt just sat there looking lost. “Matt seriously what is wrong? i can’t do this without you, you know?” you say frustrated. “i’m sorry. i’ve just been having a hard time.” he responds scratching the back of his neck. “well we really need to focus on this. if you need to get something off your chest, do it now so we can continue.” you say. Matt hesitates before speaking, “okay well i sort of had an odd dream last night.” you look at him confused. “okay?” you reply. “it wasn’t a normal dream.” he continues.

“what? were you like having sex or something?” you ask jokingly with a laugh. but he just sits there staying silent with a blank face. “oh. oh! you did!” you exclaim. “who was it about?” asking with curiosity. “some random girl from class.” he says lying through his teeth. “so what’s the big deal?” you ask. “this your first time having a wet dream?” all he does is nod. you widen your eyes, “really? that’s new. i would’ve thought you were like every other guy constantly thinking about sex.” letting out a laugh. “why is it bothering you so much?”

“because, it’s weird. especially with this specific girl.” he responds. you raise an eyebrow before asking a question, “have you ever had sex before?” the question takes Matt by surprise as he responds quickly, “of course i have!” he lies. you let out a laugh. “okay! sorry! well then you shouldn’t be so weirded out. now come on. lets focus.” replying to him.

it still was eating him in the inside.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

after the weeks flew by, you and Matt got an ‘A’ for your presentation. you decided to celebrate by treating Matt with fast food. you both sat on his bed eating. “thank you for being such a good partner.” you say with a smile taking a bite from your burger. “no, thank you.” he replies. you couldn’t help but notice he still was acting strange these past days. “Matt don’t tell me you’re still on about the sex dream.” you ask wiping your hands with a napkin. “you should just shoot your shot already since it’s eating you up. maybe she’ll feel the same.” he shakes his head, “i wouldn’t know how to approach her. plus, that’s weird. i had a sex dream about her and what? i just walk up to her and tell her that? that's creepy.” he replies. you laugh at his response. “well not quite but, i don’t like how you’re acting so off.” you say taking another bite.

Matt sighs as he shakes his head, “just forget it y/n. i’m fine.” you stop in your place as you shake your head. “okay that’s it.” placing the unfinished food on his side table. you wipe your mouth with a napkin as you look at him. it was silent for a bit until you spoke up, “do you want to kiss me?” you blurt out. Matt’s eyes widen. “what?” he asks.

Matt’s POV

i hesitated for a bit. “to help distract you.” she says with a small laugh. "uh- uh yeah sure." I say hesitantly. i mean i couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. i scoot closer to her. i’ve only ever kissed one other person and i don’t think it was good so maybe this will be different. i can hear my heart pounding out of my chest. i put my hand on her cheek as i lean in and kiss her softly. she scoots closer without breaking the kiss, putting her hands on my shoulders.

to her she might think this is just a distraction but, little did she know my dream was about her. we continue to kiss as she swings her leg around to straddle me. i put my hands on her waist as the kisses get heavier. i could feel myself get hard beneath her and i could tell she notices. i pull away from embarrassment, “i’m so sorry.” i say. all she does is smile and respond with, “it’s okay.” pulling me into another kiss. i could feel her start to grind against my clothed dick. i let out a small groan from the feeling. i pull away as i lay her down gently. “d-do you want to do this?” i say nervously but, i couldn’t expose the fact this would be my first. she nods as she kisses me again. she takes off my shirt as i do the same for her. i unbutton my jeans and pull them off leaving me in my boxers as she does the same with her pants leaving her in her under garments. i gulp looking at her body. come on Matt play it cool. we kiss again as she rubs my dick through my boxers. i really hope i’m big enough.

i reach into my drawer as i pull out a condom. i bought a box just in case i were to lose it. which i am now, so it was good preparation. i open rip off the deal as i look at her. “uh.. i haven’t done this in a while so.. i might not be as good.” i warn her lying. i’ve never done this at all. i had to prepare her just in case i cum quick. “it’ll be good” she reassures me. she takes the condom from my hand as i take off my boxers slowly. i see her eyes widen a bit as she slowly wraps the condom on my dick. i lay her back down, sliding her panties to the side, and align myself at her entrance. she gives me a smile as i look down at what i’m about to do. i push myself into her slowly as i watch her relax.

i hear her moan softly as i continue to push my full length into her. “shit.” i groan quietly. i watch her face as i start to thrust slowly. she shut her eyes as she bites her lip softly. i can’t believe this is happening. my dream finally coming true. i pick up the pace as i put both my hands on her sides. “yes just like that.” she moans out putting her hands on my chest. i kiss her as i continue to go deeper into her keeping my fast tempo.

“fuck Matt you feel so good.” she moans. every time she spoke i felt my dick twitch. her moans were heavenly. “you’re so perfect.” i whisper to her. i lay myself on her slightly as she scratches my back. her scratches were hard as i feel the slight sting.

all my worries disappear once i find out i’m actually doing a good job. she made me feel a bit more confident. as soon as i was about to cum i pull out because i wanted to keep pleasing her. i pull her by her thighs as i put my head in between her legs. i start licking at her folds softly as she lets out a breath. i then start sliding my tongue up and down, swirling my tongue on her clit. i felt her grip my hair lightly. “oh Matt.” she moans. “you taste so good.” i say continuing to eat her out. “Matt i’m going to cum.” she says as i start to suck on her clit. she throws her head back as she arches her back, shoving her pussy more into my face. “yes Matt just like that!” she screams out as she cums all over my mouth.

i get back up as i lick my lips, realigning myself as i thrust back into her sensitive core. she gasps as she grips onto my arms. i thrust at a fast pace before cumming inside her into the condom. “oh fuck.” i moan out.

we were both catching our breath as i pull out of her. i take off the condom and throw it in the trash. "you must be a pro or something. that was incredible.” she says sitting up putting her clothes on.

good to know. little did she know, i ain't ever did this before.

a/n: not my best work lol. likes and reblogs are highly appreciated! thank you :)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - it was a pretty darn good time, frankly

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - Everyone looked like they were having a lot of fun in the fight sequences. I’m very happy for them. I’m not surprised they shot Khem and Chart. A little shocked it wasn’t also Yai, TBH.

I found this final episode rushed. According to rumors, The Sign was originally slated to be 14 eps, and it probably should’ve been. And I don’t say that often about Thai BL. But we all knew it was getting too bloated for its britches, so I'm not surprised they fumbled the ending. For me personally, it just wasn't that bad. It was fine and I was fine with it.

Tho, Billy does not look good with facial fur, messes up those gorgeous angles.

I was ultimately amused that the solution to the mythology thread was simply to talk to the river god and persuaded him to give up... off screen. It felt very old school wuxia. Or like Aeschylus or something. I did adore the stinger, Saint was basically like “I want wings too”.��

FINAL THOUGHTS

This show is literally everything (except straight) all at once. It's BL, queer, band of brothers, romcom, erotica, PNR, fated mates, police procedural, fantasy, mystery, suspense, and slasher. It’s the king of genre mash-up chaos. Sure, it's madness but there is genius in it. Was it a crazy unhinged mess +1 roll for damage? Yes. Yes it was. Did it manage to hold all those tangled threads together? No it did not. Was it also a charming, sexy, engaging, non-stop piece of entertainment? Sure thing. I think this show is basically my KinnPorsche, and frankly I’ve been chasing that dragon naga since KP aired. Is it perfect? No. But it was balls to the wall FUN and that gets a 9/10 from me.

I'm thinking of doing a full recap review (partly because I have so many great screen shots.)

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 10-11 of 12 - Since this series is following the yaoi so closely, I knew these were the separation eps. (Also I knew with would be a soft non-doom ep 11, Japan rarerly does these.) I like that they used it to show improve communication and development in all relationships, but, frankly, TayNew are just best when they are TayNew together on screen. So yeah. Let’s keep them back together, please?

Meanwhile, TayNew gifted us a gorgeous loving sweet sex scene. Thanks OG for doing us a solid. 

I wanna add, it sure is fun to see New play as soft and vulnerable character, I feel like he hasn’t done that since SOTUS. 

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 12fin - 1/3 of this is a sweet romance about a student doctor falling in love with a student chef, and the rest of it is utter dross. Look the OffGun bits were GREAT.. In fact, I think they’re better AS A PAIR in this show than in any of their other BLS. And I'm a hard sell on any OffGun being better than PickRome. Saying that, how can I review a show where I could only tolerate 1/3 of it? Because I didn’t like any other aspect of this show, no other pairs and no other plots. That gives me: 9/10 for the OffGun bits, 5/10 for everything else. Frankly it probably should be an 8 but I gotta go with my gut and it's upset about this so 7/10. Sorry boys. It’s GMMTV’s fault. Your heart was in this show, mine wasn’t. 

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - These two are so good at making heart eyes at each other. It’s ridiculous. They don’t need any cartoon images or noises. Moot crush but "I wanna flirt and court more" is so flipping awesome. I love this for them… and us. 

1000 Years Old ep 2 of 12 - It’s very silly and we have been gifted with the dorkiest vampire ever. But... the smell thing makes me so happy. And I like that the vamp uses chan/nai or tan = v old fashioned. Nahlak. I love our ghost girl. Did you notice she wasn’t in the room with them but they left an empty chair for her? Also nahlak.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - Kai was pretty much just “you're a workaholic but I basically married you whether you like it or not.” SMOOCH. What can I say? I'm a sucker for this dynamic.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - How is this show so cute? How do they both love and hurt each other so much. They are both just scared of loosing each other. Gah.

Unknown (Taiwan Sat Youku YouTube) 1 of 12 eps - Youku dropped the first ep to their YouTube channel but I doubt we can expect that to continue. Still, it was nice to be able to watch it in a convenient way. I enjoyed it. But I am cautious about it. Of course this is possibly two of my favorite tropes of all time (stepbrothers or a variation + hyung romance). So I’m looking forward to the romantic thread, but from the gritty style, it feels a lot more like a Taiwanese short. Which means it could go very dark and may not end happy. 

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - I just don’t know if the main couple should be a couple. But when they finally get around to talking to each other, they sure are lovely. Also how great is it to see a uke initiate a kiss? Even if it’s not a very good kiss. 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - I am still not sure about this one. I am not contesting its quality, just saying it’s not for me. Also I’m not wild about what amounts to basically a redo of everything that already happened in the first episode from a different perspective. I know it’s a tall order with Japan, but I would like (when it’s a short series) for each new installment to actually move the plot (such as it is) along in someway. Am I asking too much?

It's done but I have no time

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

It's airing but...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting but full of unlikable characters. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far. Ends next week TF.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. Should I bother to go grey for it?

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand YT) - High school sweethearts who had a bad break up reunite when both of them have full time jobs but coming out is still a problem. You can watch this on YT but it has no Eng Subs.

Next Week Looks Like This:

We're light on content right now, but frankly I'm so busy with work I don't really mind.

3/6 Born to be Y (Thai ????) 10 eps - 14 contestants who audition to compete in Born To Be Y, a program that searches for the best couple of the year to work together on a giant project. Described as semi-reality series. So I probably won't bother.

3/7 Deep Night (Thai iQiyi) 10 eps - Multiple romances set in a host clubs. Nice to see First back on my screen but this is not my favorite setting.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The eyes have it.

Your random BL moment brought to you by my ult-bias being a hyung smartass to his maknae.

(Last week)

[only-lonely-star]

‧₊ ᵎᵎ ⋆ 🎃 ˚｡⋆.ೃ࿔ Halloween HCs ‧₊ ᵎᵎ ⋆ 🎃 ˚｡⋆.ೃ࿔

Warnings - Mentions of gore, Johnny’s headcanons are kind of sad tbh 😭, “laced” candy, mentions of Curtis’ deceased parents.

Author’s Note - These are miscellaneous headcanons!! I can’t bring myself to wait until Halloween to post this, so I’m doing it now! I’ve been in the fall mood for so long and this scratched my brain just right. I would kill to live in Tulsa around the holiday season in the 60s- like you guys don’t even understand. I hope you enjoy! 🐈‍⬛🍂

── ── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ── ──

The Curtis gang NEVER misses on Halloween, it’s their night.

I can definitely see Two-Bit going all out with his sister (I personally HC her to be younger, around 6 maybe), and decorating their porch all cutesy with jack-o-lanterns and fake spiderwebs. Two-Bit would probably take her trick or treating around 7-8 pm when it’s just getting dark. He’ll save the actual night for fun with the gang.

Soda and Ponyboy still go trick or treating even though most greasers see that as “little kid stuff” and stop around the age of 12. It’s like a tradition for them to go every year. Darry grew out of it before their parents had passed, but when they were still alive they sent him to drive Soda and Pony around town and help out with navigating the streets. He still does it to feel more at ease with them going out as well as reminiscing on past Halloweens. (This made me think of the annual ornament situation from S.E Hinton’s Christmas story 💔)

Darry always rummages through Soda and Ponyboy’s bags and picks out his favorites to smuggle from them, hoping they won’t notice. I just know he loves his chocolate bars - I’m talking Hershey’s bars and Milky Way bars.

I feel like Dally would be an even bigger asshole and blame it on Halloween.

Dally tricks, he doesn’t treat.

He’d also pull all sorts of pranks on people he knows just for kicks. He’d try and scare Tim or some shit by messing with his lights and causing loud banging sounds from outside. Tim obviously knows it’s Dally so he chooses to ignore him until he can’t take it anymore.

Steve’s favorite holiday growing up was always Halloween. He would always earn the title of best dressed for the costumes Mrs. Curtis would hand sew ☹️. She took pride in it too, she’d work super hard until he was satisfied with it. (I get superhero vibes from him, maybe even like a pirate 😭)

The Curtis household is THE hangout for trading candy (let’s be honest, when is it not?)

Johnny’s favorite holiday is Halloween because it’s one of the few major holidays that doesn’t require him to see families bonding all around him ☹️ (Also because he can roam the streets without being singled out for being a Greaser.)

I’m pretty sure (like 99% sure) it’s canon that Dally is afraid of spiders, so I think it’s safe to say he fucking HATES any of those life-sized spiders people put on their windows as decoration.

Johnny hates people dressed up as the dead, it’s just unsettling to him when people do that whole ‘fake axe in the head’ thing or plastic intestines (I hope you guys know what I mean, or else I sound like I’m literally insane.)

Halloween is Ponyboy’s second favorite holiday (besides Christmas) because he gets to dress up. I think this is so cute because I also headcanon him to do theater for school. 😭❤️ Costumes are very exciting for him because he’s so used to doing it for theater.

Darry loves to carve pumpkins with silly faces and put them out on their porch for the little kids when they stop by. I personally think he’d be so great with kids since he’s had the older brother role all his life.

Darry can’t STAND fruity and chewy candy.

Two-Bit was Mickey Mouse for Halloween when he was like five and it just stuck with him. 😭 I also feel like he could imitate Mickey’s voice so well that a little part of his inner child is screams every time he successfully does it without having a voice crack.

Cherry ironically hates cherry-flavored lollipops or chews even though everyone hands her that specific flavor to be funny. She thinks it tastes like medicine. (She likes the fruit though!)

Soda will gladly suck down the old grandma candy nobody likes. Those strawberry chews, butterscotch, off-brand candy corn - he’ll eat all of it.

Steve would totally try to make the DX all festive for Halloween and tell Soda “it’s for the kids” even though no kids willingly go to the GAS STATION unless their parents drag them along.

Ponyboy lovessss Halloween movies and usually wants to watch them with Johnny since he loves the horror portion of a ‘Halloween movie’. Johnny likes the thrill.

Two-Bit dresses up at school on Halloween. He doesn’t give a shit, it’s canon he just goes for kicks.

Johnny likes to hang with Dally and mess with people or play stupid pranks on them since he really doesn’t like the idea of trick-or-treating at sixteen.

Johnny grew out of trick-or-treating at a young age. He felt he was too mature for it since he was forced to toughen up as a kid due to his parent's constant abuse. Normal child activities feel foreign to him.

Halloween parties at Buck’s go CRAZY and Dally always looks forward to seeing those girls in skimpy ‘costumes’. (Very Mean Girls ‘Halloween rule’ inspired.)

Darry used to always be like a little photographer on Halloween eve and would take pictures of Soda and Pony and proudly show the pictures to their parents. “Pony, give me your pillowcase so i can take a photo… now hold your hat up… smile normally, not in character….perfect…”

“Careful, you gotta check that candy first, kid. people hide blades and stuff in candy,” while Two-Bit stabs Ponyboy’s candy bar with his switchblade and laughs his ass off.

I’m so ready for Halloween. I don’t care how old I get, I’ll always love dressing up and shit and just fall vibes in general. I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did making it.

I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU FOR READING 💋

[666herescared]

Imaginary Shadow Dad)Ch.12: How do you Manage?

—☆—

Hello! Sorry for the wait.My computer broke, and I was having trouble figuring out how to handle this one because of the massive difference, that is, Macaque watched Wukong mourn him for over a thousand (Give or take) YEARS! 

I think I’ve got something brewing. Let’s hope it meets your expectations!

—☆—

  Wukong honestly didn’t think this was real. After all, the largest shrine on Flower Fruit Mountain was dedicated to mourning his presumably dead lover. Especially since he’d kept it private so long. At most, he thought he’d be talking to a ghost, though much more likely was that the years of delusion had caught up to him.

  Okay, maybe that’s not the right word. The Monkey King knew his lover was dead, and he understood that. The thing is that he’d been mourning for so damn long and still hadn’t accepted it. In fact, he still wore the wedding ring on his tail. His nightmares were meant for him alone, and his guilt ran deeper than the blood in his veins. If Mihou was alive, why did it still seem so hopeless?

  Returning to the mountain, Sun Wukong looked around his cave for any signs of further hallucinations or whatever that voice was, and he finally heard it, on the wall to his right.

  “Long time no see, Monkey King. Or, well, long time since you saw me.” the voice of his lover said with venom in his tone, causing Wukong to whip around and glare at the shadow on the wall. 

  Ah, great. Well, eyes of truth confirmed it. Not a hallucination. “Well then, I guess you never learned manners. It’s pretty cruel to take on the form of someone’s dead lover,” he claimed, staring down this presumed imposter with just as much poison in his voice.

  That seemed to piss him off. “Oh no, I’m very real Wukong. But I’m not here for a fight-” then OF COURSE, Wukong had to interrupt.

  “Yeah, right. Heh. I watched him die to my own damned hand, and to be honest? Still pretty broken up about it. So if you value your life, you’ll stop pretending to be him.” The king stretched himself taller to present a more threatening air, demeanor and furious expression only assisting with that.   “Not listening, are you? Trust me Wukong, I already know-”   “Stop pretending you know me. Call me Wukong one more time, and I’ll bash your head in.” The disrespect of this stranger!

  Not gonna let him talk, is he?

 “Wukong, if you actually list-ened!-” Macaque’s voice pitched higher when Wukong punched right into the shadows, then both froze for a moment.

  The Monkey King would never get used to the shadow realm’s stasis. The feeling of his hand and only his hand having the blood stop flowing, while still not causing damage, was a strange experience to be sure, but his focus was on something else. That familiar fabric beneath his grip with those same stitches he’d memorized so long ago. So distant yet so vivid.. He - gently as he could - pulled his hand from the shadows, activating gold vision once more to check. He gasped at what his power revealed - familiar ears left with marks from their battles, one eyebrow split by a ghastly scar and the eye below a misty white, instead of the pale gold he always remembered - with fangs bared in a way he didn’t even see that fateful day. - “M-Mihou-”   A punch was thrown as his former lover, who was apparently alive, stumbled out of the shadows with gritted teeth. He snapped his fingers and his two loyal sons appeared behind the king, holding him in place. Wukong could’ve overpowered them had he not been distracted by the sight of a man he thought was dead standing over him. “I’m not here to fight, Wukong, but not to reconcile either. I’m here, because you decided my son would be the perfect successor, and I want you to pick someone else.”

  That snapped Wukong out of it. Pick someone else? What?! “I can’t just remove my magic from the kid, Macaque! He might literally die! Not to mention that he’d be a sitting duck against the demon bull family without it!”

  “Are you doubting that my powers alone could protect my son?” the shadow wielder sneered. 

  “Oh fucking- You’re ignoring my other point entirely!” the sage responded angrily, pulling against the clones holding him, yet still avoiding using too much power.

  “What? That removing magic will kill my kid? I fucking doubt it!” the darker monkey claimed in response.

  “Okay then, Mr. Semi-Omniscient. Why not check for yourself?!” Wukong snarked angrily.

  “Fine then!” Macaque’s top set of ears twitched, then the annoyance on his face faded to dread, and he paled to a concerning degree.

  Wukong looked apprehensive, but kept up a brave face. “So? What’d you hear?”

  After a moment of silence, Liu’er’s expression hardened again into a more thoughtful glare. “There’s really no safe way to prevent this..”

  The Monkey King looked to the ground, soft remorse on his face. “Mihou-”

  “Don’t fucking call me that! I-.. I need to think,” the Warrior muttered, snapping his fingers to get his sons to join him at his side instead of holding Wukong. 

  Now though, without anything to do, the Monkey King felt… awkward. “So…” He started after a while. “I can see you’re not wearing your ring anymore,” he said, looking somewhat somberly at the bare spot on Macaque’s tail.   That certainly got a reaction. Not a good one though. “Yeah, well, someone crushed it onto my tail so hard that it would’ve rotted off if I left it on! Wonder who that was..,” the shadow wielder snapped at first, turning to look at Wukong again, yet his expression softened at the sight of Wukong’s own tail. Just a little. Barely noticeable. “I can see you're still wearing yours.”

  “Heh, well… I guess I'm kinda sentimental,” the King said, voice quivering in a way only the Six-Eared trio in front of him could notice.   One of the strange, skull faced clones, perked up and said something in an unfamiliar tongue. Macaque seemed to understand it though, because he muttered, “Yeah, that sounds reasonable. Thanks, Savage.” 

  “Savage”, huh? What a dorky name!

  “Alright, Wukong.” The sage perked up when attention was turned to him again. “We need to agree not to fight, because either of our deaths would hurt the kid, and I don’t want him getting hurt in the crossfire,” the darker monkey began. The hero nodded in agreement. “Good. Now listen closely, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once; My sons are the only things that matter to me anymore, so you’re gonna keep my youngest safe, and if he ever gets hurt because you weren’t there, I’m going to trap you in my lantern for the rest of your immortal life.” 

  Of course, the threatening tone didn’t work on the king, even when he knew he was being serious. “So, like… do I not get any days off or anything?” Wukong asked with a small chuckle.

  The darker monkey in front of him growled and stood back up straight. “No. He’s dealt with enough abandonment in his life. I’m not letting you make this a repeat of how my life fell apart.”   The sage gave a soft eye roll and a scoff, which was enough to piss off Macaque again. Noticing this, Wukong defended himself. “Oh- C’mon, Macaque! I don’t want that to happen either! You must have heard me groveling at your shrine, almost every day, for over a thousand years!” 

  “I wouldn’t call it groveling. What sort of king grovels at the feet of someone they killed?” The shadow wielder’s voice came out sharp, and venomous. 

  “Uhh~ This one, apparently. Even though technically you didn’t die!” Wukong snarked with a smirk. One of the skull faced clones - Wukong couldn’t tell which - squinted at the sky and tapped Macaque’s shoulder, though the dark primate was far too pissed off to acknowledge it.

  “Yeah, no thanks to you,” he snapped, ignoring the concerned chitters Savage was supplying.

  “Uh- No, actually. Now that I know you aren’t dead, I’m pretty sure all the immortalities I gave you had something to do with you surviving that.” Wukong sassed as Savage was getting a little louder.

  “HA! As if! All that would’ve done was prolong my suffering! I got myself out of that forest after you turned your back on everything we’d built!” Macaque exclaimed. fur in front of Savage’s ears moved back, revealing the slits that laid underneath as they hissed - then Rumble interrupted, leaping between the immortals and creating a massive shadow arrow that pointed up at the hole in the roof of the cave. It appeared to be sunset-.. Shit.

  “Wait… He was right outside when we left!” Wukong shouted frantically.

  “What the- How is it taking him so long? Did he fall in the lava at the flaming mountains?! Oh no- WUKONG! GO GET HIM!” The shadow wielder demanded, pointing towards the cave entrance.

  “What?! He’s your cub!” the king rebutted.

  “It’s been ten years since he last saw me! I’m not gonna knock his life further off balance!”   “Wait- So you abandoned him? Pot calling kettle-”

  “Right back at‘cha!”

  “Monkey King?” Mk’s voice came from down the hall.

  The six-eared monkeys immediately fell back into the shadows, leaving the king on his own. Peeking around the corner, Wukong could see what had taken the cub so long. He gasped at the cuteness.

  The little white Monkeys were curiously patting and pulling at Mk’s invisible limbs and climbing all over him to try and figure him out. The Monkey King’s new apprentice was begrudgingly letting them do so while still trying to walk. It was so dang… adorable! “That’s just about the cutest dang thing I ever saw!” the sage whispered giddily, looking around the corner of his little cottage at the young boy. “We’ll talk about this later.” He whispered to his shadow, before backflipping from the ground up onto the roof of his shack. “You looking for someone, bud?” the ruler asked with a knowing smirk.

  “Monkey King!” the young monkey exclaimed, running over to the shack and startling the little monkeys off of him. The king was almost startled by the sudden movement himself, but quickly recognized his speed as an effect of having the magic of two mystic monkeys in his body. That's gonna take some getting used to. 

  “Sup, bud? So… where's my staff?” the king asked, looking around playfully, before looking back and noticing the panic on his young admirer's expression.

  “I’m so sorry, Monkey King! I was trying to get it to you, but there was this whole thing with the Demon Bull King and Princess Iron Fan, also their son, but he wasn't there when she took-” Mk started, rambling and starting to blush when he brought up Redson.

  He was freaking out. Wukong wasn't prepared to handle this, so he tried to put the boy’s mind at ease. “Hehe, calm down kid! I already know. Seee… I've been kinda watching you.”

  “Huh?” the boy snapped out of it and gave a confused look, before gasping dramatically. “Wait- That was you?!”

  The king couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the young monkey's face. “Oh~ The look on your face! You're perfect!” he cackled, though he felt the glare on his back.

   Mk looked confused and tilted his head up at Wukong, squinting slightly. “Perfect for what?”

  Oh man, the kid was gonna love this. Wukong did a triple flip over Mk's head, crossing his arms as he landed. “To be my…” he started, halfway turning around and pointing at the boy. “-successor!”

  Mk looked at him with disbelief for a moment, before shaking it off and starting to pace. “Oh great! I'm dreaming again! Can my brain stop taunting me, please?”

  “Uh~ kid? If you'd like I could slap you, but I don't wanna hurt you on acci–dent..” Monkey King tried to keep up the facade, but he looked like he saw a ghost, staring at the headband his successor wore. Huh.. Macaque kept that? For over 3,000 years?

  Mk looked confused and placed a hand on his headband self-consciously. “What? What is it?”

  The king snapped out of it and shook his head a bit. “Uh~ C-Can I see that headband for a moment, bud?” he asked tensely, reaching one hand out.

  The boy in front of him looked suspicious, but untied it and placed it in his hand, letting his hair fall into its long and messy natural appearance. He could trust the Monkey King with it, right?

  The sage was gentle with the band of fabric, then looked at the embroidery and gave a soft sob that one could mistake for a cough. It was like he was holding his memories in his hands.. He handed it back with a soft smile. “Thanks, kid..”

  Mk smiled and took it back. “Of course, Monkey King!” he grinned. He was happy to help, “Now; what are we gonna do about the giant evil bull king who's RAVAGING my home, and probably KILLING my friends!?” -but he also had some basic logic. 

  Ah, right. “Pfft, c'mon! You can handle it!” Wukong brushed it off, falling back onto his cloud as it formed behind his back. “Consider it a trial,” he claimed, before spotting the glare of the shadows, and adding, “Tell you what; If you take more than~ thirty minutes to win, I'll come and save ya’, alright? You'll be fine,” he assured him, glancing at Macaque a couple times to gauge if that sated him. The glare was there, but it'd softened.

  “Well- How would I even get back?! How- How can you just trust me to figure it out?” the boy asked with a squirlish look, gesticulating wildly. Small flickers of purple and gold magic slipped along his body, but were calmed when the Monkey King placed his hands on Mk’s shoulders, steadying him. That much uncontrolled magic.. Hm.

  “Kid. I’d never tell you to do anything you can’t do. If I say you can beat DBK, you can beat DBK. Just believe in yourself! Even a smidge, can make all the difference,” he said with a soft smile. “And as for that other thing.. You’re not scared of heights, are you?” the sage suggested ominously with a more mischievous grin.

  A moment later, Wukong hopped onto his cloud and offered Mk a hand to get on behind him. “Now remember, you have thirty minutes to beat him before I come to help. You succeed-.. I dunno, I’ll give you one of my first merch items! That sound good?”

  The kid was nervous until the reward was mentioned. Then he got excited. “REALLY?! Like, the Monkey King original first edition plush?!” the fanboy exclaimed cheerfully.

  “Sure, if that’s the one you want. I honestly expected you to be more of an action figure kid, but that’s good too,” the king responded cheerfully, before zipping the cloud forward with no warning.   Mk, startled, grabbed the ruler’s shoulders and shut his eyes tight. Within a single minute they had reached the battle, and Wukong was picking Mk up and placing him on the ground. The king patted his head twice and said in his native language, “Good luck, little monkey. Here's hoping it goes well!” before zipping off. Macaque was psychically bugging him again.

  The boy was stunned by the sudden speed for a moment longer before a massive crash sounded behind him and he finally spotted Mei, who was in full dragon form and beating the shit out of Redson. He perked up, phantom tails flicking cheerfully. “Jie Jie!”

  She was startled and looked over, eyes lighting up in recognition. She threw the Demon Bull Prince into the air and slapped him away with her tail, before turning her full attention to Mk. “Di Di! You’re okay!” she said happily, hopping into the air and doing a somersault as she shapeshifted back to human form. She landed with a grin and bounced up to her brother to give him a big ol’ hug. “I was so worried!”   “I’m fine, Jie Jie,” the little monkey claimed with a smile.

  “Xiao Houzi! Did you find the Monkey King?!” his Ba Ba called from the ground, always one to gather information.

  “I did, Ba Ba!” he replied.

  “Then where the heck is he?!” Dadsy called up as well, almost sounding pissed.   “He said he’d give me the original plushie if I could do it! He’ll be here in like half an hour!” Mk called down with a grin. Pigsy face-palmed while Tang stimmed, a nervous and conflicted look on his face. After all, that plushie’s worth a fortune! But he didn’t want his son to get hurt.   Mei, ever the enabler of Mk’s stupid decisions, immediately called her bike and grabbed Mk’s helmet from its saddle bag to put it on his head. “We’ll be backing you up, Monkey Man!” she said with a grin, hopping down from the building with a backflip.   The Monkey Kid smiled down at his big sister for a moment, before hopping aboard the dragon-cycle. Mei had given him one or two lessons in her free time, so he knew the basics, but he didn’t expect how different it was when actually going fast.   His turns were tight. He worried he might tip the bike over by going quite so fast. Then DBK noticed him. Ah, shit.

  DBK scowled. It was that pest his brother called a son. He’d have to stop him without killing him. Such a pain.

  Going quick, and hearing the Demon Bull King saying something, Mk ignored it and tried to think of an attack he could use. His balance was thrown off, but he managed to right himself, though his panic was causing his magic to grow restless. The wild flickers of magic seemed to blend in his eyes, causing purple and yellow to swirl as the world turned gold and lightning zapped from his eyes.   He swore to himself, skidded to a stop, and covered his zapping eyes, only to peek through his fingers and spot the furnace burning in DBK’s chest, which held the staff in its center. He absently spotted the indignation on the king’s face from having the little monkey just skid past him instead of attacking. A plan began to form in his mind as he once more ignored the Bull King’s insults and began driving.   An attack was thrown at the ground in front of him (DBK must be a poor shot) and Mk managed to tilt the bike up and drive right along his hand and up his arm. The ruler noticed the plan brewing in the boy’s mind and went to try and snuff it out by plucking him off.

  The Little Monkey just launched himself off of the bike and right towards the furnace on his chest, meanwhile the bike tipped over to the other side and was caught by Mei. The Demon Bull King looked shocked and almost angered as Mk launched into the furnace. The young boy gripped the staff, yet quickly felt stiff, hard, rock surrounding him. With a gasp, he pulled on the staff harshly.

  Before all went black.

  —

  After checking her bike for damage, Mei noticed how everything had gotten quiet. She looked around, worriedly, soon spotting how everyone, even their opponents, had frozen in shock and dread. What happened? She felt a sinking feeling in her gut and looked up at the hole in DBK’s chest. She’d figured it out.

  Tears fell from her face as she dropped her bike and ran back to get a better view. Oh no.. Oh, gods no!   “DI DI!” She gave a terrified, blood curdling yell. Her baby brother, the smaller, sweeter, more sensitive boy she loved so much, had gotten killed in the furnace!.

  She growled harshly as she shapeshifted slowly, grunting in pain at the exertion it took to shift so often within a day. She didn’t care at the moment. The bastard that killed her little brother was standing right front of her, standing still as though in shock. She lunged at him and threw him towards a nearby building, snapping her friends and foes out of their stupor.

  Encouraged, she moved to strike again, but then DBK gasped and bent over in pain, clutching his chest. She watched as a strange stone egg fell from the hole in the furnace. It shifted, it cracked, and it seemed to throw itself into the air. She stepped back in shock and lost her focus, shifting back to a mostly human form.   Sandy had managed to get over there in time to catch her, and still got to watch as the Monkey king’s staff cut through the stone shell and burst it, revealing Mk bathed in golden light so bright and purple shadows so dark that they should’ve overpowered one another. He rested the staff across his shoulders as the light formed a circlet across his forehead and the shadows formed six dark ears, three on each side.   With a cackle of pure delight, the boy rushed DBK with the staff, jumping up to strike him upside the chin, and growing the staff to jab at his face. Launched backwards by his attack, the boy narrowly dodged the laser that was fired at him from his enemy’s arm as he fell to the ground, then used the staff to bounce back up to DBK’s level.

  Although daunting, DBK’s size made him hard to miss, and he was repeatedly attacked by the nimble kid. Said kid then landed back on the ground and cut off a large part of a nearby building, intent on using it as a hammerhead which he swung down at DBK. The demon wasn’t about to be taken down so easily, however. He fired his laser, shattering the building into dust, before landing a brutal punch and sending the boy flying into the ground nearby.

  Skidding across the pavement was painful, but not quite as much as DBK’s next taunt. “Even with that old fool’s staff, you can’t defeat me! My brother should be disappointed in you.” His brother. Macaque. The six-eared Macaque. It wasn’t hard to deduce.

  Mk wasn’t a fool, he’d long since figured out that Liu’er was his Shadow Dad. If the visual and magical similarities weren’t enough, the fact that a gift from him said Liu’er Mihou on it was. He’d just denied letting it sink in. Now though? With a hulking monstrosity destroying the city, and taunting him with the prospect of his first real parent being disappointed?..

  He felt pain; The thought was one of his own. An intrusive one he hated. He felt anger; He didn’t appreciate DBK calling his Shadow Dad “brother”, and he didn’t deserve to know a name his father never even told his own son. He felt release; He didn’t have to rely on Shadow Dad’s opinion of him anymore. He’d never make him proud if he was so quick to abandon a child. He felt rage; Why should he care what Shadow Dad thinks?! That bastard didn’t even care enough to stick around! He didn’t even tell his son his real name! Did he really think so little to believe he’d never find out?

  He grit his teeth as he picked up the staff with a brutal grip, standing back up, fully enveloped with a dark aura. “And who told you I care what your brother thinks?” He whipped around to throw another strike at DBK. This wasn’t just business anymore; this was personal. As though on instinct he slammed the Ruyi Jingu Bang into the Demon Bull King’s face, spines made of shadow running along the length of it to stab and slash at the ruler’s skin. Mk didn’t even notice.

  “Insolent brat!” DBK exclaimed, launching another laser shot at the boy, only to find he’d seemingly disappeared.

  “Missing someone?” His voice was layered with echoes of the void and it was a chilling sound, even for his allies. He jammed the staff straight into the Bull King’s back, slamming the beast into the ground. A swing at the demon king’s side was countered by a laser shot, though Mk just darted around it.

  The ruler stood and sent another shot at the boy, though the odd purple lightning in his eyes decided to deflect it, causing the young adult to yelp in pain. It felt like his eyes were burning, though he just channeled that pain into more determination. He would finish this fight. Not for Monkey King. Not for Shadow Dad. Just for him and his city. He would finish this fight.

  He slammed his staff into the ground, causing blocks of it to change shape. Earth turned into a metal mech of enormous size, shaped like a monkey. Yes. His choice of final attack was a video game reference. “You wanted me to fight you?” he started, pulling out a larger version of the staff from his mech’s ear. “Well, I’ll fight you then.” He launched into the sky and grew the staff even larger. “It’s time for you and your family to be brought to justice!” he exclaimed, readying a final blow. “Here comes Monkey Kid!”

  He slammed the ginormous staff down hard, creating a crater in the earth and shaking the ground. As he shrunk the staff back to a manageable size and lowered to earth again, he wondered if he knocked anything out of orbit with that attack. He spotted a shocking amount of cuts on DBK’s form as he watched the king attempt to stand. Huh. Guess he must’ve knocked him into something sharp. 

  “Im…possible..” the ruler tried to claim.

  Mk snickered. “Nothing is impossible if you just believe in yourself. You, my friend, just got M.K.O-ed!” The corny line was delivered with his voice back to it’s normal state.

  Red Son shoved some rubble off of himself and looked down into the crater. He almost looked shocked that it was his father who wound up so harmed. “Do-Do you think this is over, Noodle Boy?! Well, it isn’t! Get out of that dorky mech and fight me, you coward!” the prince exclaimed, before fainting and falling into the crater next to his father. Mk snickered at the sight and reached down, only to be stopped by Princess Iron Fan’s winds.

  “We know when we’ve been bested,” she grit her teeth as she showed her face. “But this won’t be the last you see of us, Noodle Boy,” she trailed off into maniacal laughter as her winds carried her and her family to safety.

  “Whu- Hey! No fair! You can’t just run away when I’m just about to win!” Mk exclaimed in annoyance and disappointment.

  “Mk!” Mei called from the ground. The boy in question peeked out of his cockpit to see what she needed. “You totally kicked DBK’s butt! Without us, the City would be toast!” She didn’t seem to realize that the city was already kinda destroyed.

  Nor did Mk, honestly. “Hehe, yeah.” He hopped out of the mech and landed in front of his sister, who immediately hugged him tightly.

  “Now don’t scare me like that ever again! I thought you were dead, twice today!” the dragon girl exclaimed, holding him close, then Sandy picked both up into a group hug. 

  “You did it, little man!” the gentle giant said in an almost soothing tone.

  “Xiao Houzi!” Mr.Tang exclaimed as he ran over and reached his arms out for a hug, at which point Sandy put the young adults back on the ground. He immediately gave one of his soft yet sturdy hugs and held his son close in his arms with a sigh of relief.

  “Aww, did I really scare you that much?” the boy asked, before both he and his Ba Ba got lifted into a tight hug.

  “Yes! Never do that again, dang it!” Pigsy exclaimed as he squeezed his family in a bone-popping hug.   “Okay! Okay, I’ll try!” Mk replied through mirthful giggles, managing to free an arm to hug his dad as well. It might not last with the Demon Bull King walking around, but they were safe for now, and at this point, Mk’d earned that dang Monkey King plush!

  Macaque smiled at his son as he celebrated, before lowering into the dark and finding his Brother once more. He took a deep breath, and exclaimed,

  “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!” This was gonna be a long night.

—☆—

SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I didn’t even realize how bad it was getting!

I just wanted this to be perfect. I’m so sorry.

I hope you all enjoyed anyway, and as always,

Have fun, and happy scrolling!

Prev- Chapter 11 and Next- (Coming Soon!)

[i-am-adlocked]

Olly Rants Series: Ep 01

BBC Adlock Referencing the Books

This has been my Roman Empire since I read the books when I was a kid: that Irene Adler must have been one hella beautiful woman.

Because in the second book, The Sign of Four, when Watson saw Mary Morstan for the first time when she consulted with Holmes:

((Also not Holmes being called a robot just because he was like: I don’t think anyone is interesting based on how pretty they are so I don’t really observe if someone is physically attractive… Also not this line being reflected in TRF when John says “She’s dying, you MACHINE!”))

So bro never makes exceptions and that the brain must not be clouded by personal emotional preferences frfr

But then the next book (altho it might also be cos Sir Arthur Conan Doyle doesn’t give a shit about continuity), which is “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes”, in the first story which is “A Scandal in Bohemia”, he be like:

And I’ve always thought as a kid: damn, Irene Adler must be one hell of a woman that Holmes literally made her the exception of his “no one will be observed as beautiful for my personal emotional likes and dislikes”

Like she’s so beautiful that Holmes didn’t even just stop at “she’s a lovely attractive woman.”

No, Adler was just so damn beautiful, the man who would never observe a person based on his personal emotional biases, really said, “she has a face that a man might die for.”

Like she must be like… a reincarnation of Helen of Troy for him to say something like that

And my new Roman Empire now is that the BBC Series did not reflect that line verbally…

Like sure, we see it happen in real time:

But I really waited for Sherlock to say verbally on something about how she has a face that a man might die for…

I was hoping to either Mrs Hudson or to Molly… like that one time in Bart’s when he was x-raying her possessions, when I first watched it, I was hoping it’ll go something like:

Molly: Is that a phone?

Sherlock: It’s a camera phone.

Molly: And you’re x-raying it?

Sherlock: Yes, I am.

Molly: Who’s phone is it?

Sherlock: A woman’s.

Molly: A criminal?

Sherlock (distractedly): ...She is a lovely woman——with a face that a man might die for...

Molly: Your girlfriend?!

Sherlock (confused): You think she’s my girlfriend despite that I’m x-raying her possessions.

Molly: Well, we all do silly things.

I have been thinking of this whole thing for 12 years. I’m surprised I only talked about it now.

Like Holmes kept three things from Adler: her photograph he got as reward from the King and the gold sovereign coin and (possibly) the letter she gave him herself.

And Sherlock kept her phone which he took from the government as his reward and it is the very same phone Irene gave him at Christmas 😭 and the texts (+ringtone) she gave him huhu

And like

Because Irene’s camera phone has gold details in it too huhu

If Holmes has Adler’s coin in his watch chain…

And Victorian-John mentions Sherlock keeps her photograph in the watch he’s keeping…

(would like to note that no coin was mentioned concerning the watch so Dream-Irene isn’t married because Adler gives that to Holmes as a gift for helping her marriage)

And that both coin and photo in my theory is the original counterpart to her Vertu phone…

That means Sherlock brings her phone everywhere with him huhuhu

In possibly his jacket’s side pockets too since gentlemen don’t usually put anything in the side pockets since it’s too awkward for your arms when you grab something in it… so people usually put stuff they bring that they don’t use much

Which could be Irene’s camera phone 😭

Anyway it’s almost 1am I must sleep

[evilovesyou]

Can i ask what / how was it poorly organised? Sorry it left you feeling like that :/

I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into 😂

It started with just how to get into the venue… google maps told us it was a 20 minute walk but the entrance was so hard to find, with no signs or anybody pointing you in the right direction, that it took us at least 45 min.

We got there after the initial queues had passed, but still fairly early. (The second act was playing when we entered the grounds.)

There were 2 food trucks for (depending on the source) 20-30k people. Two trucks. And two bars that sold only soft drinks and beer. You could buy water at specific places just for that. One merch stand. 12 hammocks that they labeled “chill out area”.

They had talked about having vegan food options etc, but when we arrived there were already several things that were crossed off the menu. We stood in line for 45 min to get some food and when my girlfriend asked if they had anything vegetarian they offered her “onions, some peppers and lettuce in some bread.”

There was a separate line for fries, but the fries were sold at a drinks station so they just told us to cross over and get them since we’d already been in line for almost an hour at that point. Then somebody yelled at us for cutting the line lol

I got a chicken “sandwich” that was literally just a piece of fried chicken and two dry pieces of bread. No condiments, no lettuce, not even a slice of tomato.

So we paid €20 for some watermelon, fries, and a “chicken sandwich” that was so bad I almost cried.

There were a total of 2 trash bins on site I think and they were buried under mounds of rubbish so I’m not sure if there were actual bins or if people just decided for a communal spot.

As far as I know they were pretty good about handing out water and such in the afternoon, though the “free water” they advertised outside of the crowd at the stage wasn’t marked and pretty hard to find.

Before the show started, during “DJ” Carl Baracat or whatever his name was (he literally played the wildest mix of a playlist I’ve ever heard in my life. No mixing or anything. It was weird.)… I realised the heat was getting to me and I was feeling very thirsty so I asked for water from security and they told us they weren’t handing out any water until Louis got on stage. Essentially the message was “I’ll wait until you faint, even though you have time to access your needs right now and you won’t be able to once the main reason you’re all here is on stage”. I did get water half an hour later, during the second song or so.

After Louis’ set it was pretty quick to clear out and we were lucky enough to stay directly in Camaoire but @chaotic-bells has a story to tell about transport back to other towns nearby I think…

Maybe it comes from having worked in event management before, maybe it’s just my general virgo-ness and personality, but there were so many things that would’ve been so easy to solve on part of the venue and security and the organisers that I was just genuinely appalled at the lack of care.

So… I love Louis. I’m glad I was there for this and I got to see my friends. I’m glad I got to see the Blossoms live! They were awesome. The people were genuinely really nice! Louis was amazing as always. We got to hear Paradise and I know @fadeintolight lost her mind about that 😅 I got to hang out with @chickenstuffedwithmozzarella for the first time and it was awesome 🥰

I got to be at the beach with my girlfriend before the festival and then kiss her surrounded by lights. We got to leave our gay message for Louis. All is well in the end.

[nikkiruncks]

Tag game

(Stolen from @the-badger-mole lmao. This looked fun, so I thought I'd do this too.)

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore?

Bamon. I still love them, but I’m not invested in tvd anymore and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back into it.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

Mickey/Minnie

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Bamon. I ended up making a redo, since I wasn’t happy about how my first attempt turned out. It’s on FFNET.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

No

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Yes. I wish I didn’t, but I have.

6. Did you used to have a NOTP or have it currently?

Nikki/Nate as a couple. They aren’t weren’t my fave in S1, but even after S2, I still don’t ship them. I love their friends with benefits arc, but that’s the only way I ship them. I’ve talked a few times on why I don’t want them to be a couple again (check my #anti niknate tag) so I’m not gonna repeat myself haha.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

It was moreso a family fic, but Red/Kitty and Jay/Leia were the pairings.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs?

Too many to count: Jay/Leia, Gwen/Nikki, Eric/Donna, Jackie/Hyde, Eric/Jackie, Eric/Buddy, etc.

9. Is there any couple, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Bonnie/Damon & literally every Bonnie ship I have, but if they had been canon, I know for sure Plec would’ve fucked it up like she fucked up every good thing in tvd lmao.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Nikki/Nate, and Jackie/Kelso (not as much tho rn b/c I’m not fixated on them). Neither are endgame material imo tho in canon.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now would be canceled over?

Maybe Zig/Maya?? Idk.

12. What was your favorite crack ship?

Gwen/Nikki and Toph/Azula always. I'm not even fixated on ATLA anymore, but the latter will forever be a fave.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of?

Honestly I've been writing more fic than reading it 😭😭😭

But out of all the ships, I feel like I read Gwikki fic the most.

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

Enemies to lovers. It’s just my thing.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

OH MY GOD I HATE ships with Person A going after Person B without taking no for an answer. Person B's agency isn’t being taken into consideration and it’s like they’re a prize for Person A.

Granted there are ships with that trope I do like, but it’s moreso b/c of the other good stuff in the ship and it outweighs the bad.

Like Kl*roline, there’s literally nothing about that ship I can say that I like except for the fact that the actors are pretty and I liked the paper scene (and even then, Caroline was shamelessly giggling with Klaus while her boyfriend was watching. Her boyfriend who Klaus killed, forced to become a hybrid, and made him into his slave).

Tagging: @randomwriter23 @disneymbti @berryzxx @astraeasilvers @blairwaldcrf @theonewithallthefixations and anyone else who wants to join

[she-karev]

Lockdown (Japril Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Jackson and April

Summary: Jackson and April talk about her split from Matthew and Jackson finally talks to her about Montana.

Words: 2468

March 18, 2020

April closes the door behind her after letting Jackson in who looks around the house that is cluttered with clothes, blankets and pillows. She picks up the mess knowing how Jackson detests things out of order.

“Harriet is asleep, she and I just got done playing hide and seek.” Jackson nods, “I know it’s messy.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Jackson defends, “Don’t worry about it my place is pretty messy especially since She-Karev moved in.”

April chuckles, “Please don’t do that, don’t be all weird nice with your voice an octave higher like you do with people at hotels or at the bank.”

Jackson looks at her surprised by this new fact about himself, “I have a weird bank voice?”

April smiles, “It’s making you nuts; you can just say it. There’s mess everywhere, I guess it can be a symbol for the world right now and I am just following. There’s pillows all over the place.”

“You know I have a strong belief that throw pillows are useless and stupid. I was also taken with your house I don’t think I’ve even actually been here like in person.”

April raises an eyebrow at that strange analysis, “Really?”

“Yeah I guess it’s because we always do the drop offs at my place or the hospital. It’s nice it’s cozy I like it. I especially like the exposed brick. I guess it’s an idyllic family home for you and Matthew and Harriet and Ruby it’s very…idyllic.”

“You said idyllic twice.”

“Well that’s how nice it is it needs to be said twice. So where is Matthew anyway?”

“He’s at work.” April looks at Jackson with an amused grin, “You said we needed to talk is everything okay?”

Jackson sighs and decides to rip the band aid off, “April I tried to be respectful to you and let you decide when to tell me at your own pace but now things are changing and lives are literally at stake here.”

April narrows her eyebrows in confusion, “Tell you what?”

“I know you and Matthew split up, I know he and Ruby don’t live here anymore.”

April looks at him shocked, “How did you…?” April scoffs figuring it out, “Freaking Karev, can’t keep her mouth shut like her brother.”

“In her defense she told me hoping it would make me ride on a white horse and sweep you off your feet. Also, she was going through a lot as I am sure she told you and I recommend you don’t kill or horribly maim her.”

“I’ll let you know when the urge passes.” April groans and sits on the couch.

Jackson joins her looking at her in sympathy, “Are you okay?”

April chuckles bitterly, “Well my husband is about to divorce me and we’re in a pandemic. Honestly, I am just trying to hang tough and be a strong mom for Harriet right now.”

“And you are.” Jackson commends April who grins slightly, “Amber told me Matthew left because he never forgave you for leaving him at the altar, is that true?”

April swallows a lump in her throat, “I wish it was just that it would make things so much easier but…the truth is we both jumped into something when we were high on love. We thought it was a part of God’s plan, us meeting each other years later when we were both heartbroken. Like it made all the pain we went through worth it because in the end we found each other. But then the high died and with it…we figured out a little while ago that things aren’t so simple. He tried he really did try not to hate me, and he is so good with Harriet, and I adore Ruby, but the truth is we were just trying to write a story. We didn’t take the time to figure out how we worked in real life. And then his sister got sick, he and Ruby went to Philadelphia to help out and she got better but…their still there and they’re not coming back.” April sighs after her recap with Jackson looking at her in sympathy.

“I’m sorry April, I know this isn’t how you imagined yourself right now.”

April snorts, “A two-time divorcee working the streets in the middle of a plague?”

Jackson grins, “In short yeah. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t imagine myself a divorced single father isolating with a heartbroken resident.”

“Well, when you put it like that you have me beat.” They chuckle at the joke and April asks Jackson, “How come you didn’t tell me you knew when you first found out? I saw you plenty of times then and you knew, why didn’t you ask me then?”

Jackson leans forward on his knees, “Well for one I didn’t want to risk you killing my best friend for breaking your trust.” April groans at that clearly peeved at Amber, “And second I wanted you to be comfortable enough to tell me when you did, I didn’t want to upset you more than you already are, why didn’t you tell me you guys were having problems?”

“I thought we could fix things and we’ve both been busy, and I wanted to fully grasp it but then your roommate was crying and I’m a bleeding heart. I wanted her to feel like she wasn’t the only one whose relationship fell apart so spectacularly. I didn’t think she would tell you, but I should have known by now Karev’s are unpredictable and untrustworthy.”

Jackson grins, “And you were maybe a little too proud to tell me?”

April grins and breaks, “Yeah fine, I was a little too proud.” Jackson holds April’s hand in comfort, and she appreciates it. She turns to him with a question of her own, “Why are you talking to me about this now? What changed?”

“Everything’s changed. We’re in a pandemic and we’re both exposed to this at work, especially you. I couldn’t sit by when I know you’re going home alone with nobody to look after you.”

“I guess that’s a good reason, but I am fine. I wear masks, I carry sanitizer and I keep a safe distance so do you.”

“Yeah, but the difference is I’m living with someone who can monitor me and call for help when I’m too weak to.” Jackson persists, “I know you can take care of yourself April, I know how strong you are, but this thing is unpredictable we don’t know everything about it because it’s still new. We can’t take chances especially with what we do for a living. We moved back and forth with Harriet because we chose to get divorced but driving to and from our places now, she’s exposed too. I can’t risk both of your health’s and I know you don’t want to risk Harriet’s if you get sick and nobody is around to take care of her and you.”

April looks at Jackson with raised eyes, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I think you and Harriet should come and live with me and Amber.” April shakes her head at that instantly, “Just until this thing is over and it’s safe to go back to our routine.”

April scoffs, “It could be weeks hell months before we can even know some information about this virus and start to develop a vaccine. It’s not gonna go away in an instant and neither am I.”

“I know that. I am just trying to make sure you’re safe and Harriet is safe. I’m thinking about our family here.”

“So am I.” April replies in a broken voice Jackson pauses. April takes a deep breath before explaining, “The last time we lived together…it felt like we were on the track to getting back together to us being a family a real family. And when we went to Montana…I was convinced things were set after that but instead I got pain and uncertainty.” Jackson looks guilty for that time, “And I had to learn to live my life without you and now I have to learn to live my life without Matthew and I can’t repeat it with you again because I’m afraid I will break, and we will never be the same. I can’t expose Harriet to that, and I don’t think you do either. We need boundaries Jackson and you asking me to move in is just gonna bring all of that pain back and I can’t.”

Jackson and April sit there for a moment in silence as Jackson processes her words. He knew she felt pain after Montana and the way he handled it was appalling. It was appalling to treat a woman he married and had a child with like some one-night stand when they were living together at the time. He didn’t know it then but now he knows he evaded that talk for a reason and April needs to know that reason.

“I’m sorry for not bringing up Montana.” Jackson starts with an apology to smooth things over, “I know I am about three years too late, but you should know it wasn’t my intention to hurt you. The reason I didn’t bring up Montana was because I didn’t know how to.” April looks at him less hurt and attentively, “Things have always been so complicated between us April and I didn’t know what would happen if I opened that can of worms. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk the dynamic, we built for Harriet over old feelings that I don’t know were out of love or spontaneity or familiar comfort. I didn’t want for anyone to end up hurt again…but instead you got hurt and I am sorry.”

April sighs at that apology feeling better while Jackson continues, “You are the last person I wanted to hurt, you need to know that, and you need to know that you were never just sex to me. Not then and not now, Montana was…it was the first time I felt like my life was finally back in one piece. But then we came back, and I had to question if it was old feelings brought up that would die with time. We came back and I was reminded of why we divorced, and I didn’t want Harriet to get hurt. So, I ignored it, it wasn’t about you April and it wasn’t because you meant nothing to me it was because our family means everything to me and I didn’t want to see it explode like my family did after my dad left. I didn’t want for Harriet to go through that pain.”

April nods, “I get it and I get that it was a lot for both of us and I know now that it wasn’t because of me it was just…bad communication. It’s always been our specialty.” Jackson chuckles lightly, “I know your heart is in the right place and you’re right we need to be safe and we need to consider Harriet here. It makes sense that we would live together but you need to know something. I am trying to heal from my marriage ending so you need to promise that you will respect my privacy and not send mixed signals or start something with me you can’t fully comprehend. I need to know that if we do this again, we’re not headed for a fall here and I am not opening myself up for more pain and uncertainty, can you do that?”

Jackson nods, “I can do that. I just got out of a relationship myself with Vic and before Vic I got out of a relationship before Maggie and before Maggie-”

“You got out of a relationship with me?” April finishes with a grin and chuckles, “I’ll give you this you do not waste time.”

Jackson grins, “Yeah and I’m trying to change that. We both need time to ourselves to regroup and figure some things out. I’m trying to do that and so are you so…let’s do that under the same roof. I promise you if you do this with me you are not gonna get hurt again. I’ve learned my lesson and I know now that sometimes we can hurt the people we care about the most without even realizing it. I know now that we are both in a raw place and I know not to stir in unnecessary drama anymore. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or our friendship, you have my word April Kepner, trust me one more time and I will prove it.”

April takes a deep breath and thinks on it for a moment before coming to a decision, “Do you want to help me and Harriet pack?”

Three Hours Later

Amber comes out of Alex's house already drained from catching up with him and Jo. She waited in the living room expecting Jackson to be back with Harriet in half an hour, but instead she waited impatiently for three. She got a text from Jackson that he was outside and exhales at the sight of the luxury car ready to head to his place and read on how to survive the apocalypse. She opens the passenger door and instead of an empty seat she finds April Kepner sitting in it wearing a mask with a sour look behind it directed at Amber who looks at her in shock.

“April? I-I didn’t expect to see you here, how have you been?”

“You mean since you told my ex a piece of information about my personal life, I told you in confidence?” April asks back sarcastically causing Amber to blanch, “Get in the back and close the door before the germs get in. We are in a pandemic.”

Amber nods and does as instructed gasping at the sight of Harriet in her car seat, “Hello munchkin how are you and what is your mommy doing with us?”

Jackson grins and explains, “Well with everything going on April and I talked and decided that things would be easier if she and Harriet lived with us at the penthouse.” Amber widens her eyes at that, “Harriet won’t be exposed from being dropped off and there’s three doctors in one place.”

“Wow. First me now April, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were opening your own shelter for sad and lonely women.” Jackson and April chuckle and Amber feels a question on her lips, “Just so we’re clear are you two getting back together or is this just a platonic quarantine.”

“Platonic quarantine.” April and Jackson answer at the same time causing Amber to grin knowingly. She leans down to Harriet rubbing her belly.

“Yeah, we’ll see.” Amber whispers to Harriet while Jackson drives out of the parking lot and back to their home.

[nickeverdeen]

Can I ask what's your favorite and least favorite canon and non-canon ship for every fandom? I'd like to get to know you better! (Obvi you can choose two or more if you can't decide)

Omg, hi cariño, I gotta say that in some fandoms I don’t really have favourite ships so I’m sorryyyy and I’m sorry for answering the next day, but it was a lot to put together.

To everyone please be respectful

Least favourite ship = Orange / Favourite ship = Green

Overwatch

Okay, I’ve never really looked through ships for this fandom, but I do have a little thing going over here

Cannon = Cassidy x Mercy - McMercy / Lena x Emily - Lenily

Non-canon = Genji x Lena - Grencer / Genji x Mercy - Gency

Why = I’m not sure, but going to McMercy I never really liked their dynamic or how they worked it kidna felt a bit too preassured. With Lenily - they’ve been my no. 1 forever since I found out about them - they’re absolutely precious. I don’t think I have to explain Grencer. Gency is just for me really comforting and it’s a nice kind of ship.

But also! I remember when I was younger and watched the animated Overwatch movie there was a scene between Lena and Widowmaker and… I still kidna see it there for some reason 😭

The Maze Runner

There are literally just two canon ships to this so that was a bit of a trouble

Cannon = Brenda x Thomas - Trenda / Thomas x Teresa - Thomesa

Non-canon = Alby x Chuck - Chalby / Sonya x Harriet - Sonyarriet

Why = Honestly I think literally no one agrees with my first point, but when you take Trenda - Brenda would be good with Thomas, but it was in the wrong time as it felt like he kidna used the image of them dating to start to get over Teresa. Thomesa wasn’t healthy a lot later in more movies, but looking at the time before she betrayed them and all it seemed pretty healthy to me, plus I liked the redemption arc between them. Chalby… I’m not sure if I should even explain this, but sure firstly Chuck is 12 years old while Alby is 18 years old and I just see Chuck looking at Alby as an older brother or prehaps a mentor, but definetly not a lover. Sonyarriet was my top 1 and I refused to believe after joining the fandom that they ain’t dating and I still strongly think that if they weren’t dating in the past one of them had a crush on the other.

By the way, when I was younger and first saw the movies and read the books I was loving Avason (Ava x Jason) ship… for some reason as rn I can’t remember any chemistry between them, but I think it’d still be pretty cool if they’d have the like “I like you, but fuck you” or “I like you, but I can’t have you” arc

The Hunger Games

Canon = Katniss x Gale - Everthrone / Finnick x Annie - Odesta

Non-canon = Katniss x Cinna - Cinniss + Katniss x Rue - Rueniss / Katniss x Cressida - Kessida

Why = Now, Everthrone wasn’t fully a canon, but a temporary one yet it still counts - now it’s not ‘cause Peeta is a better ship with her, I don’t like this ship ‘cause very obviously right after the first movie/book Gale was preassuring Katniss about their relationship and from my perspective he didn’t even really care for her mental health after the games a lot. Odesta is in my opinion pure and amazing ship and I’m really glad that they’re canon. Cinniss is just painful for me to even look at - like c’mon that’s just terrible. Rueniss? Fuck off, she’s a child and it’s literally mentioned that she reminds Katniss of Prim (which is her sister) and like… no just no. Now, I can’t really explain Kessida at all, but I just see it there as a nice possibility.

Harry Potter

Canon = Hermione Granger x Ron Weasley - Romione / Harry Potter x Ginny Weasley - Hinny + Scorpius x Albus - Scorbus (idk if it’s canon)

Non-canon = Viktor Krum x Hermione Granger - Krumione + Albus Severus Potter x Delphini Riddle - Alphini + Harry Potter x Hermione - Harmony / Harry Potter x Hermione - Harmony + Draco x Harry - Drarry + Hermione x Fleur - Fleurmione (hear me out-) + Hermione x Ginny - Herminny + Scorpius x Albus - Scorbus

Why = With Romione I pretty much always disagreed with anyone and it may sound mean, but I just simply don’t think that Ron is good enough for Hermione, sue me. Hinny is a pretty interesting ship and in the books it’s a lovely and lively one, but in the movies it’s a bit dead so we’re not gonna take the movies part for this ship. Like I said idk if Scorbus is canon or not, but they had tons of chemistry throughout the book that it can’t be ignored. Krumione was just an offence for me to even think about them being together. Listen, I get why you ship Alphini, but like… no, that’s a no for me - it was rushed, toxic and appeared a bit out of nowhere. I decided to put Harmony into both liked and not as I can see them being together just fine, but thes give off siblings kind of vibe. Drarry is a treasure itself. Now hang on, Fleurmione isn’t that bad of an idea - like a little enemies to lovers. Herminny was my thing since I joined the fandom so no one can take that from me (2 years age gap isn’t that bad).

Arcane

Considering there are only 2 canons I can’t really choose

Canon = Caitlyn x Vi - CaitVi

Non-canon = Jinx x Ekko - idk the name / Jayce x Viktor - JayVik

Why = CaitVi is pretty obvious I think. Idk why people ship Jinx and Ekko so much? Like sure, it’d look fine (ig?), but like there was zero trace of anything happening and it’d be toxic af. JayVik is a canon in my head, tbh.

Divergent

Canon = Tobias x Christina - Tobina / Will x Christina - Chrill

Non-canon = Jeanie x Tris - idk the name / Christina x Tris - Tristina

Why = Tobina felt a tiny bit forced if you ask me and it just wasn’t working out. Chrill deserved more time together and even though Will’s death was important for the plot I feel like they deserved much more time of this pure couple together. Jeanie x Tris is actually a big ship and I just… help I don’t think I have to explain my dislikes for this. This may come off as boring, but I genuinely think that Tristina isn’t a bad idea and it’d actually be pretty interesting.

The 100

Canon = Clarke x Wells (former relationship) - Wellarke + Wells x Sasha - Wellsha / Clarke x Lexa - Clexa + Octavia x Anna - Octanna

Non-canon = Bellamy x Wells - Wellamy / Clarke x Sasha - Clasha + Clarke x Octavia - Clarktavia + Raven x Clarke - Princess Mechanic

Why = Wellarke is obviously beyond repair, but I just wanted to point it out again. About Wellsha I’m gonna be probably a bit mean, but I’m not sorry when I say that Wells wasn’t good enough for Sasha. Clexa was a bit complicated for me to make an opinion about at first, but later when they’re fully together I really like the dynamic and change of behaivors. Octanna will always have my heart and I’m not giving up on my girls ever - it was so pure. Wellamy… don’t even get me started how absurt it feels like for me. Clasha would work gorgerously - especially with Clarke persistent on keeping Sasha safe while the whole camp was against her and chained her up. Clarktavia is something I find hard to defend, but I just see it there (more in the books). Princess Mechanic ship name is actually a canon btw, but I find the arc between them pretty cool and same like Clarktavia it’s hard for me to defend them.

Detroit Become Human

I’m gonna get a beating for this-

Canon = Luther x Kara - Luthara (semi-canon) / Markus x North - Norkus

Non-canon = Chloe x Connor - Chlonnor / Connor x Kara - Connara + Connor x North - Connorth + Simon x Markus - Sikus

Why = Luthara felt a bit forced and I’d prefer Kara being alone. Norkus was at first a bit weird for me, but later you see it ain’t that bad. Chlonnor was out of nowhere and I personally didn’t see it there that much. Connara was also out of nowhere, but I could see it. Connorth was my starter ship when I first started in this fandom and I’ll still stand with it. Sikus is just pure and deserved to be a possible canon.

The Legend of Korra

Canon = Mako x Korra - Makorra (former) + Korra x Bolin - Borra (former) / Korra x Asami - Korrasami + Kai x Jinora - Kainora

Non-canon = Bolin x Varrick - Borrick + Lin x Korra - Korralin / Korra x Kuvira - Korriva

Why = Kainora was in my opinion the pure child’s love that was perfect. Makorra was toxic and I hope we all saw that - especially with Korra still figuring out her behaivors in season 1. Borra would be perfect, but it was wrong time as it felt like Korra used Bolin. Korrasami was the fix to Korra’s previous relationship as she needed someone who’d be able to have the patience, dominance and understandinh with her I think. Borrick was… a very big of a no for me. Korralin was also a big no and I always thought of their relationship as a mother & daughter. Korriva… I can’t defend myself here, but I’d just like to see it (even if they’d break up) especially when Korra had to decide between Kuvira and Lin’s sister’s side (I forgot her name).

Avatart The Last Airbender

Honestly, I don’t really have preference for this fandom

The Arrow

Same as with the one above - I don’t have preference here

The Umbrella Academy

Canon = Diego x Lila - Delila + Five x Dolores - Filores / Viktor x Sissy - Vissy

Non-canon = None

Why = Delila was not working and I think that no matter how much they’d try they’d always end up apart - it felt forced and toxic. Do I have to explakn Filores? Vissy was so beautifully portraited and they matched each other so well, but they were in the wrong timeline for their relationship.

The Sparrow Academy

It’s part of The Umbrella Academy

The Last of Us 1 + 2

I can’t say as the only canon ship we see enough of is Dina x Ellie

Horizon (both games)

Canon = Aloy x Avad - Alad (semi-canon) / Aloy x Seyka - Alyka (depends on player’s choices, but it’s a semi-canon) + Aloy x Petra - Altra (semi-canon)

Non-canon = Erend x Aloy - Erloy / Talanah x Aloy - Taloy

Why = I think in general that Aloy isn’t ready for a relationship, but if we’re working with what we have: Alvad would in my opinion clash around a lot - especially in the first game when Aloy clashes a bit with authorities themselves. Alyka was probably the best choice from the canons as I think that Seyka is the type that wouldn’t preassure Aloy into anything, but also would know when and how (after some time) to pull a bit of a restrains in a healthy way as Aloy sometimes needs it. Altra was confirmed as an unrequited love and I think Petra was a bit too forward (especially in game one) for Aloy’s figuring. I can’t really say why I don’t like Erloy as they’d be good together, but I just don’t see it there like that. Taloy is a bit debatable, but overall to make it short she would probably be an ideal girlfriend for Aloy - more than Seyka maybe.

Spider-Man Across The Spiderverse

No preference

Nimona

Not enough ships

The Outer Banks

Canon = Pope x Cleo - Poleo / JJ x Kiara - Jiara

Non-canon = JJ x Sarah - Jrah / Kiara x Sarah - Kirah

Why = Even though Poleo is the healthies ship in the OBX it kidna feels like it popped up just for Pope to not be single? Jiara was my number one when I started watching it - they match each other really well and I’m here for it. Jrah… no. Kirah is actually in my opinion something that could happen before Kiara joined the pouges.

Five Nights at Freddy’s + Afton Family + The Old Guard

Not enough ships

Willow

Canon = Elora x Airk - Elirk / Kit x Jade - Kide

Non-canon = Elora x Kit - Elit / Graydon x Elora - Graylora

Why = Elirk were at the start really good together, but I think that Elora started feeling for Graydon throughout the show later on. Kide was I think a bit toxic, but with time prehaps they both (Kit mainly) will learn how to work better. Elit I would ship if Elora wouldn’t literally be related to Kit. Graylora is pretty healthy and would work well together.

Percy Jackson

Canon = Leo x Calypso - Leolypso / Percy x Anabeth - Percybeth + Nico x Will - Nill

Non-canon = Annabeth x Grover - Annaver / Clarisse x Silena - Clarena

Why = Leolypso was a bit toxic at the start and Calypso felt abusive, but it got better. Percybeth balances each other gorgerously and I love their dynamic. Nill is my favourite honestly and it feels like they were meant for each other. Annaver would never work out and I think Annabeth would be too much for Grover and Grover not enough for Annabeth and I don’t mean it like by qualities I mean it like Annabeth needs someone like Percy and Grover someone calmer. Clarena would maybe clash a bit at first, but I think they’d eventually balance each other out beautifully and it’d suit them together.

Star Wars

Oh boy… I would rather not answer as I might get in trouble for that

MCU

Canon = Bruce x Natasha - Brutasha / Tony x Pepper - Topper

Non-canon = Yelena x Kate - Kalena / Kate x Cassie - Kassie

Why = Brutasha is a bit weird in my opinion and as much as I hate to say it I think it’d suit Natasha better as a single person or that she needs someone more assertive and confident than Bruce. Topper was a bit uncomfortable ship for me at the start, but man now they go together so well. Kalena is a big no for me for obvious reason that I think we all know and I’m not sure why we still argue about it. Kassie wouldn’t be that bad - sure they never met, but I think their common randomness (Kate’s winning ofc) would actually be perfect and they would get along so well and before anyone comes to me with them not being close in age let me tell you that 4 years age gap isn’t bad.

Fourth Wing + Iron Flame

Canon = Violet x Xaden - Viden / Sawyer x Jesinia - Jesyer + Rhiannon x Tara - Tannon

Non-canon = Liam x Violet - Viam / Sawyer x Ridoc - Riyer

Why = Viden felt a bit more toxic while reading the second book and I personally hated the whole “you gotta ask me that specific question for me to tell you anything” thing - it was so unhealthy. Jesyer was so pure and I honestly hope we get to see more of them. Tannon doesn’t get enough attention and they work so well together. Viam is in my opinion a bullshit and they’re more like siblings. Before Jesyer happened I was actually hoping for Riyer to happen so bad and I’d give anything to get a book with how it’d look like.

Top Gun + The Devil All The Time

No comment

The Ballad of Snakes and Songbirds

Not enough canon ships to work with

Call of Duty + The Medium + The Powerful Elites

No comment

Bottoms

Canon = Isabel x Jeff - Jebel / Isabel x Josie - Jobel

Non-canon = PJ x Hazel - Pzel / Hazel x Stella - Stezel

Why = Jebel is itself obvious truly toxic and it hurt me seeing them get back together - like you gotta be blind to not see how it’s wrong. Jobel was created in a terrible way (the lying and all), but eventually I think they’ll work it out more properly with just enough time. Pzel is actually both semi-canon and non-canon so I didn’t know where to put it, but it was forced and Hazel was so confused by the kiss and PJ just isn’t ready for a relationship and just wants hook-ups obviously. Stezel was never really shown, but c’mon “family friend” with the way she talks anout Stella?

[boypussydilf]

Tell me youryour thoughts of details that don't effect anything please I'd love to hear more of your thoughts (No need to if you don't feel comfortable though!!!)

i am so brain full of thoughts to talk about all of the time, Until people ask, hey what are your thoughts, and my brain Evicts them with great prejudice. Let’s see what i can scrongune up. I meant scrounge, but okay. I’m inventing scronguning.

I think that Finn and Jake moved into the treehouse BEFORE their parents died. I base this exclusively off the fact that Joshua’s first holo-message for them in Dad’s Dungeon was in the attic of the treehouse. It’s entirely plausible that F&J were just taking some of their parents old stuff and went “sure bring this and shove it in the attic” and completely forgot about it. But I like to think that Joshua actually put it there while he was still alive, since like, going off how he looks in the scene at the end of the BMO Distant Lands special, Finn was really young when he & Jake started living in the treehouse, and I just prefer to imagine that Finn was not a literal toddler when his parents died because it makes me a little less sad. Jake probably moved out as soon as he was whatever-the-mutant-talking-dog-equivalent-of-18 is and just took Finn with him because they are Literal Honest-to-God Soulmates and could not be separated. Also what with the “being dogs” thing Margaret & Joshua were probably too old to have the energy to take care of a really young child by the time Jake and Jermaine were adults. Still, since Finn is 12 at the start of the show, and he and Jake are clearly not actively grieving by then, Finn still had to be pretty young when they died. Ten at most, I think.

That… feels like a sad note to end that on. Oh dog family, you are sweet and I love you, and I kind of wish we got to actually see some Dog Family Moments from when the kids were still kids (and not babies) and Joshua and Margaret were still alive.

I was rewatching Elements and Finn has a line where he says “This is Simon, the Ice King,” and it finally clicked for me what’s actually going through his head when he switches between saying Simon and saying Ice King. He’s approaching it the same way he approaches addressing every other royal he’s friends with! He calls PB Bonnie, but he also calls her Princess Bubblegum (and variations thereupon) all the time. He calls FP Phoebe sometimes, but he also calls her Flame Princess, even while they’re dating, because to Finn - and to everyone in Ooo - titles and names are interchangeable things. A princess’s title is commonly used as if it is their name. And Finn does the same thing with Ice King. He goes “oh, I’ve learned the Ice King’s name now,” and starts calling him Simon sometimes, but also calls him Ice King sometimes, because in the society Finn was raised in, that’s what people do. This, truly, is a detail that affects nothing, but it was something I had not consciously thought about before, and it’s neat to me.

“Simon, the Ice King”… Finn, can we get more of your thoughts on this? Man I wanna see what their interactions were like not long after Come Along With Me.

On a tangentially related topic, I am fascinated by the Ooo systems of… government? I’d say that seems the wrong word, but they’d probably say it’s right. They just use it a bit different. I think that Bonnie might have been the first person to call herself a “princess” (I think this is true? but I can never remember the episode Bonnibel Bubblegum super clearly), and then she kind of… presumably-accidentally shaped the recovering world by doing so. She called herself a princess, and began to build a kingdom, and as more magic beings and mutants started to fill the world they went “oh, kingdoms, this is what we’re doing,” and organized themselves that way, and in most cases it does not mean the same thing as our idea of kingdoms at all. Raggedy Princess just rules a junkyard. It seems like anyone can call themself a princess as long as they have, like, a plot of land distinctive to them… and yet it’s treated like a special title, and lots of princesses have crowns with, like, Significant On A Large Scale jewels (for the Enchiridion multiverse-opening spell and stuff) so maybe there are more qualifications we just don’t see because why would that be relevant…

“Princess” and “King” are also terms that just refer to rulers, they’ve lost their gendered connotations in most parts of the world. Phoebe refers to herself as having become the Flame King, and King of Ooo becomes Princess when he takes over the Candy Kingdom. The Flame Kingdom is ruled by a King, that’s just how it works, a Flame Princess will become a Flame King, and the Candy Kingdom is ruled by a Princess, that’s just how it works, it will never have a King or a Prince.

Most of the major kingdoms are ruled by princesses, by God there are so many princesses, so like… Are the kingdoms ruled by kings (Flame Kingdom, Goblin Kingdom, I guess technically the Ice Kingdom but I have questions about whether or not it is considered an actual government and whether or not Ice King is actually considered a ruler of jack shit…) seen as like, outliers? Is that considered unusual by people?

Also what’s the economy like in Ooo. Finn and Jake don’t need to spend any money to get by, they just walk into a random treehouse and apparently don’t need to spend money on food or anything else because they just accumulate treasure and have an entire episode dedicated to them deciding to spend all the gold they never spend on anything. Is this part of the Adventuring Hero’s Lifestyle, or are there lots of people in Ooo who just walk into whatever unoccupied space counts as a house to them and live off of… food from not entirely clear sources? In F&C we see Simon paying with like, just straight up a regular dollar bill. Does everyone pay like that in the Candy Kingdom or is that a special thing they allow him to do. I don’t know. We don’t see people paying for things that often, I think. Not sure how money works in Adventure Time. It’s mildly interesting.

Okay I’m tired now and losing my trains of thought goodbye. Thank you

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! I sent an ask before, earlier in the year.

here’s some real ent info about me before I ask my question:

I’m 15. I’ve had my period for a year. My mother and my bio aunt were both (very) late bloomers in that regard, but were never diagnosed with anything that may have caused that. I’ve had ‘crushes’ before, which I suspect may have been me masking because I didn’t actually like anyone. I’ve tried mastrubation before, but it’s never really done anything? I don’t do anything involving penetration (because ouch) but I do other things outside of that, ti absolutely no result.

Okay. Now relevant info out of the way. I have questions now;

Is it possible I’m ace? How does one find that out?

is it possible I’m aro? How does one figure *that* out?

Do you think there’s a reason mastrubation doesn’t work for me? Is that a thing that can be fixed?

Is there a reason why penetration hurts so much for me? Even just my pinky finger or a tampon hurts enough that I cried the first few times I tried (I use pads now and avoid penetration).

is there any important information that I should be given? I’m attending a Catholic school so sex ed is pretty much “literally just don’t do it.”

sorry for the barrage of questions. Thank you so much for running this blog, you have no idea how helpful it is. I’m not 100% sure if I turned on anon properly, so if this isn’t an anon please don’t answer it.

hi anon,

oh boy!! so much to work with here!! a veritable buffet of curiosity

this one wasn't even on your question list but I'll throw it in for free: there's not really any reason to worry about finding a diagnosis for starting your period at 15. while the average age that menstruation begins these days is around 12, anywhere from 10-16 is perfectly normal.

it's completely possible that you're ace and/or aro, because it's possible that anybody could be ace and/or aro. do you want to be? because that's pretty much what it comes down to. would calling yourself asexual or aromantic feel right? would it provide any sense of security or clarity to conceptualize yourself that way? the words don't define what you are; you pick which words you like and want to use to make sense of yourself.

god okay I have no idea how to say this without sounding redundant but if you don't feel good when you're masturbating it's probably because you don't like what you're doing. are you trying to jack off because you're horny and want to touch yourself or because you feel like you're supposed to masturbate? if it's the former then damn, try something else. literally anything, anything and everything can be masturbation if it feels good. get crazy with it. if it's the latter and you're just kind of going through the motions out of a vague sense that you're supposed to be masturbating, knock that shit off and dedicate that time to literally anything else that you enjoy. life is too short.

penetration is probably uncomfortable for the same reason it's uncomfortable for a lot of people our age: lack of practice and CRITICAL lack of lubricant. some people find that using a lube on their tampon applicator can help, but also no one is making you use tampons and if pads are more comfortable you can keep doing that forever. personally I haven't used a tampon since middle school and I'm thriving. invest in some reusable pads; you'll save so much money. penetration is 100% optional literally just living without that shit is fine.

as much as I would love to run an intensive and all-encompassing course on all of human sexuality for you right here right now (and I mean that sincerely, I wish this was the proper platform for that. should I write a book? let me know in the comments), I'll keep the info short: whenever you feel like there's something wrong with you, in any way, really think about what's making you feel that way, and who benefits from you feeling bad about yourself. because 99.9% of the time when people send in asks about something about their sexuality or gender that makes them feel bad, what they tell me about is something completely harmless that's just a little different than the common norm. the norm is nothing; as long as no one is being harmed, you do you.

for more specific questions, I'm literally always on this website answering q's, and I'd also really recommend checking out Dr. Lindsey Doe's youtube channel Sexplanations and the forum Scarleteen, which is run specifically for young people to address questions about sexuality.

[louisisalarrie]

Ooh, please tell me more about how Shiall today might relate to Larry? I’ve been keeping an eye on Niall, and I have so many thoughts, but I’m mostly just confused!

heya anon, and welcome to the show!

now, I want to start this off by saying I haven’t had much to do with the Shiall stuff, so I’m not an expert on it. But, here are a couple of my thoughts as to why this is an interesting turn of events, and what this means for larry.

so, it’s been pretty interesting seeing all the Shiall stuff online since the show happened. And well… I’ve seen a lot of larries/ziams also now start shipping Shiall, which is interesting, and while Shiall has never been as big as Larry or even Ziam, it blew up the fandom and even got headlines in the press. So… let’s have a deeper dive.

Now… people have believed in Shiall or at least entertained the idea of them together since at least 2017. It’s not a new thing whatsoever. But since the show of them performing together, it has become pretty huge. And there are a lot of solos reaaaaallllyyyy hating that, and it’s becoming a bit beefy between the niall girls and the shiall believers (which is yikes because can everyone just be nice to each other for a god damn second Jesus Christ) so it’s now dividing nialls otherwise pretty chill fandom. Which is new for him, and will be interesting to see how it’s handled. But so far in the press? It’s going well for him.

He’s gotten a write up in a few outlets which all have a similar headline of “Niall Horan Surprises Fans by Bringing Out Shawn Mendes at London Concert” (US Weekly). But, Rolling Stone really went all out here:

Now, I dunno about you… but adding “fellow lover boy” and “that’s my boy” to a headline 100% grabs attention and maybe implies a bit more than just pals. In my marketing and journalism experience/study, this would absolutely fall under seeding and somewhat subconsciously sways the reader into further curiosity about Niall and Shawn’s relationship.

What’s funny about this, is 1 week prior to the show, Elle posted this article out of quite literally nowhere. Shawn and Camila haven’t been spotted together since (to my knowledge) April of 2023 when they were photographed kissing at Coachella. So… why was this dropped a week prior?

Anyway, Niall is still signed to Modest mgmt, who we’ve watched control narratives and PR ops for the last 13 years. So, it’s safe to say we can see a bit of a pattern here, but it feels different this time too… right?

Niall’s mgmt would 110% know about the Shiall rumours. They’ve been around for over 6 years, and have continued to grow in popularity over the past couple of years particularly. It’s very obviously a topic that the fandom talk about, and that a lot believe in. So, to allow niall to bring on stage someone who his fans believe he’s actually dating as opposed to his “gf” who was also in the crowd that night (not that literally anyone cared lol) feels very freeing. Do modest and Niall not care about the rumours? Is it actually true and he managed to convince his team to let him do it in exchange of staying with his gf for longer? Or is it something entirely different?

Well… it’s a tricky one.

Modest have been well known to closet artists for years. We’ve seen it with larry, and other young men too. So, why the change of heart? Essentially encouraging rumours by giving this the go ahead, and rolling stone weirdly quickly posting that article with those particular words in the headline, why now?

It’s good PR, sure. It’s beneficial for Shawn to get back into the headlines more after not performing for 12 months, and gives nialls tour a bit of a boost. But i would argue that it’s encouraging Shiall. And I would also argue that modest have actively tried to squash gay rumours for years with larry (we will talk about the Union J shit show another time and just stick with larry for this) so it’s interesting that they’re encouraging it. But it’s been a pretty nice little test drive for larry, hasnt it?

In no way has Shiall divided the fandom to the same point as Larry, but the love we all saw for shiall (whether we believed in them being romantically linked or not, it was incredibly wholesome) from around the fandom was very loud. I saw a hell of a lot more positive chats than negative (and I looked deeper than just my timeline) and so it was pretty safe to say that it went well for the most part.

People are saying that niall might have done it behind his team’s back because Shawn was placed in Paris hours earlier, but that’s just a reminder of something we already know that we can’t trust photos to be released on the same day at the same time they are taken, but I think he’d get in a hell of a lot of trouble for that. So I’m not on board with that idea.

So I guess to put it down to a couple of options to sum this up:

a) modest has flipped the script and is okay with Shiall because they’re actually not dating (unlike how they handled larry because they were) and it’s all just rumours and niall and his gf aren’t bothered from it so it’s fine because it’s some good publicity

b) niall and Shawn actually are dating and his team is seeding a coming out, testing the waters with the fandom, perhaps try to encourage larry to sign with them again due to how “free thinking” they are now

c) nialls contract allows him to have more control over different aspects of his career so he was able to just invite him up there no matter what narrative is being pushed in his personal life

So… what’s this mean for larry and why have I rambled on for 3-5 business days?

Well…

Niall is dealing with the same rumours with Shawn as H and L do with each other. He is actively showing the fans that believing in a relationship between two dudes in fact doesn’t ruin their lives and families and their girlfriends are crying all the time, and he’s also showing other mgmt teams that you can do this shit without the world falling to pieces (aka the V*nes and Az*ff losers) whether or not it’s true. It’s a very small step in the right direction, but it’s a really good one. So I think yeah it’s important to see what this means for Larry and their next steps, because niall has made it look pretty simple. But I think we should keep watching this all very closely.

[exvangelicalrage]

Sin Is Fake

6/5/23

I realized something this week. Which is that I don't believe in sin. Obviously, I don't believe in a lot of things, including god, christianity, and literally anything, haha, but I realized this week that I'd been taking the idea of "sin" as a given.

The idea of sin has been a constant in my life since my birth; only a few weeks after we came home from the hospital, my parents had me "dedicated" in front of the church congregation, which is the protestant alternative to the catholic baby baptisms. Instead of saving your soul, however, it's merely a commitment by christian parents to "raise their child in the way he should go" or whatever. And in this case, that meant raising their child to believe they were inherently sinful and needed to be saved by jesus in order to go to heaven. 

I've long determined that people are not inherently sinful; that babies are not evil from the moment they are beget; that children do not need to plead forgiveness for imagined wrongs. 

But the idea that perhaps sin simply... doesn't exist at all? That is new.

When I was five, I kneeled next to my bed on the pink throw rug my great grandmother had given me, clasped my hands together, and said, "Dear jesus, please come into my heart and forgive me." As I said the words, there was a deep sense of "this is what I'm supposed to do in order to get to heaven." I hadn't quite put together the "I'm sinful and need to be forgiven" part, despite the emphasis on that during Sunday school and vacation bible school, but I knew the words and I said them and I meant them. 

But as I grew, it didn't take me long to fully understand what "sin" was. 

Sin was whining about chores. Sin was arguing with my brothers. Sin was being obstreperous. Sin was reading instead of cleaning my room. Sin was talking back to my parents. Sin was watching other kids get picked on in school and doing nothing. Sin was not wanting to do my homework. Sin was getting bad grades. Sin was not listening to the teacher. Sin was watching movies. And listening to secular music. And reading books with swear words in them.

Sin was doing anything that upset my parents for any reason. 

Sin was lack of total perfection.

Sin was making god mad.

I asked for forgiveness regularly. As a 7 year old. As a 10 year old. As a 12 year old. I knew my soul was irreparably blackened, and jesus was the only one who could cleanse me and guarantee my way into heaven. 

When I reached my teenage years, I continued to pray for forgiveness, but I tacked on an extra little request at the end of my prayers: "Please forgive me, and also, if you notice me doing something wrong, could you just let me know?"

"If I'm doing something and don't realize it's a sin, could you please point it out to me?"

"I'm not entirely sure quite what I'm doing wrong, but I know it must be something, so please forgive me even for stuff I don't realize is wrong."

It's a pretty heavy weight, to walk around thinking that you're perpetually committing grievous offenses but have no idea what they are. To believe that god is incessantly watching every movement, every choice, and every thought, and judging you accordingly. Especially as a child. And sure, the pastors said "his blood covers it all" but what does that even mean? And if his blood covers "it all" why couldn't we just be regular people? Why did we have to focus on being as perfect as possible? 

The thing is, though, the existence of sin is necessary to christianity. If humans weren't inherently "sinful" then what would the point of christianity be? Because if we weren't inherently sinful, nothing would be preventing us from accessing heaven. We wouldn't need jesus, we wouldn't need the bible, and most of all, we wouldn't need the church. 

Sin, at least in a christian context, is a direct and willful violation of god's will. But in order for it to be real, a.) god has to exist, and b.) we have to be able to determine what his will is—irrefutably. But since god (if he exists) hasn't provided a clear-cut directive... how can we possibly ensure that we aren't violating god's will? And if we can't know his will, we can't violate it on purpose.

Hence, sin is fake.

But if pastors, leaders, humans make clear-cut statements that say, "This is wrong and I know because god told me so," then they can claim that your violation of their commandments is sin, and in doing so, they strip access to heaven from you.

The idea of sin allows humans to control other humans. Even humans who don't believe in their ideology.

But if sin doesn't exist in the first place? That hill they're standing on is nothing but air.

To be clear, I think mistakes are real. I think we can do things that we wish we hadn't. I think we can cause harm. We can do things that upset or cause pain or discomfort toward other people, ourselves, or the world around us.

But sin? Nah.

I think I still carry this weight, even though I left christianity over a decade ago. 

It's clearest for me in this subconscious  pressure that suggests I'm "living a sinful lifestyle," despite the fact that even according to christian standards, my "lifestyle," as it were, is pretty innocuous. I'm straight & hetero, married and monogomous, donate and volunteer to causes, mind my own business most of the time. But I do swear. And read romance novels (with sex scenes *gasp*). And I'm not christian. Which all equals "sinful lifestyle" in my subconscious, I guess.

But there's a lot of freedom in being able to look an action in the face and say "What harm does this cause?" If the answer is "It causes no harm," I can move on with my life. And if the answer is "It causes this specific harm," then I can remediate to the best of my ability. 

Litter? I can donate to an environmental organization or pick up more trash than I dropped. 

Give voice to my internal biases, even unintentionally? Apologize immediately and truthfully. Or donate to an anti-racist/feminist/trans-inclusionary/disability activist organization if an apology isn't possible. Or all of the above! 

Steal something? Give it back. Pay for it. Go to jail. Whatever. Make amends.

There is freedom in accountability. There is freedom in taking responsibility for my misdeeds. I don't need jesus or christianity to "save" me. All I need to do is own up to my behaviors, decisions, and choices, and the consequences therein. 

I can make amends. All by myself. No penance, priest, or prayer necessary.

If everyone did this, instead of just "praying for forgiveness," I think the world would be a lot less shitty place.

-----

A not-exactly side note: 

If I'm being honest, I think this whole blog is partially about me trying to make amends in a way. It's also therapy through writing, an exploration of my feelings, and a process to think through some of the concepts and ideas that still nag at me. But I could do all of that without sharing it online.

The one thing I feel more guilty about than anything in my life, was the evangelism I did as a teenager. I talked down to other people. Tried to convince them they were evil. I built walls around myself, and judged everyone else as either "saved" or "unsaved." I roped people in, with music and a pretty smile and the threat of hell. 

I understand that I was still a child. And that the religion I wielded was placed into my hands by adults. That it's not entirely my fault. I know I was trying to do what was right. But I also feel strongly that I caused harm to those around me. Harm I regret to this day.

I made it out. But not without casualties.

It's a strange type of survivor's guilt.

So I'm hoping that writing out & sharing my experiences, feelings, and pain will maybe help somebody somewhere. I want to do something good that directly counteracts the harm I caused then. Maybe I can support someone leaving the church now, validate someone who is questioning, or offer logic, reason, and experience to help someone see the door. 

Maybe it'll help, maybe not. But it feels like the right thing to do.

[kayleigh-83]

Thanks for tagging me @eulaliasims

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Never thought about having a favourite, maybe the cowplant? Or maybe when death results from something usually mundane like hail or lightning (I’ve had that one).

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Mainly Maxis match, but I think of my style as like 90% MM and 10% semi-realistic (more on the BB side) because I do find the occasional thing that fits in with my style from that aesthetic. And I feel like my style is somewhere between the true Maxis match and the cartoony style.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No? Seems odd!

4. Do you use move objects? Constantly, it’s on more than it’s off. I have an alias set up in my cheat file.

5. Favorite mod? Wow that’s a hard one to narrow down, so I’m gonna choose a few. Based on what has the biggest and most widespread effects, I’d say ACR, Community Lot time, and the whole Traits system (that’s cheating since it’s a million mods but I don’t care lol)

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? Would have been the very first pack, so University I guess! When the games came out I was living at home still and my mom played too, so we always got them relatively soon. Uni came out a month or so before my birthday so I suspect I probably got it as a gift that year.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? LIVE as in LIVING, @eulaliasims is 1000% correct.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? So not counting born in game? Sort of a tie but I’ve always been very fond of Joshua and Roxanne Lewis, they were two of Brightmaple’s founders - the first ones I thought up, and first ones I created.

9. Have you made a simself? Yes, in my old neighbourhood, I was a vampire along with the Sim version of my cousin. We lived in a huge Victorian mansion I built where I sent all the vampires in the hood to live.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Brooding, couch potato, good, loves the heat, hopeless romantic

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Don’t really have one I guess.

12. Favorite EA hair? Also don’t really have one lol.

13. Favorite life stage? Probably adult because the most happens, but I also really enjoy toddler which is a hot take in most circles.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Both! The building is fun and a creative outlet for me, but I do it so I can create more immersive and enjoyable worlds to play in too.

15. Are you a CC creator? Yes but on and off, I do it purely for fun and primarily for things I want in my game. So I take long breaks of making nothing at all, when I’m not in the mood.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I wouldn’t really say so? I do chat with people from time to time and have lots of great acquaintances on here! I find it to be a generally very nice community. But I usually find online friendship difficult since I find it harder to read people purely through text with no baseline for knowing them irl, for things like tone of voice/mannerisms/body language and just general vibe.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) Well I think it’s pretty obvious TS2 has ruined all other games for me (not just other Sims games either).

18. Do you have any sims merch? nope

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Actually yes! For speed builds.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Gotten more Maxis match in terms of aesthetic, if you scroll back to like, pre-2017 on my blog you can see that for sure. For play style it’s a lot more structured - pure rotational so ages sync, more wants based, paying a lot more attention to their personalities etc.

21. What’s your Origin ID? I’ve been playing with either the RPC Launcher or a no-CD crack since the day I switched to the UC, so although I do have an Origin ID I’ve literally used it probably twice ever. So no idea!

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? There’s too many to pick!

23. How long have you had a simblr? My very first Simblr post was July 31, 2016. Before that I had a bit of a hiatus from playing for a few years, and before that I was on Livejournal/Dreamwidth.

24. How do you edit your pictures? My photo editing program (PSP8) is literally from the era of TS2 itself, which seems appropriate. It’s always worked perfectly well for me - I downloaded Photoshop a couple times but always found doing the same actions clunky and unfamiliar, so I stick with what I know. I adjust curves, saturation, and add a very slight (probably imperceptible) bloom effect. Then I crop in, and I resize by width - meaning my pics are always the same width, but the height varies slightly. I prioritize getting everything into the frame that I want, and don’t really care if the heights are different.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? If I were making up hypothetical TS2 EP’s? I wouldn’t have minded something like Superstar from the Sims 1, having my Sims become famous (if it was done more like OFB/hands on style rather than “off to work in a carpool for the day” style) would have been pretty fun.

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? That’s really tough to pick. Probably Seasons (such world building!), Freetime (the hobbies system adds so much depth for me!) or Open For Business (my whole hood has no EA careers and only businesses sooo...) or Pets?? I love my Sims having pets. They’re all so good!

I’m seeing this going around, so please allow me to tag @you if you haven’t been yet and wanna do this!

[imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper]

Is one of thomas' Sanders sizes literally just the Sanders from vine that wore the su shirt and Jung out with the vas 😭?

I'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to introduce you to all the sides LOL

I’m gonna preface this by saying that this will be LONG and also it has been a while since I rewatched the series or refreshed myself on some of the older stuff

I’m also gonna go ahead and give a quick rundown of my history with the fandom. I was like 12 or 13 when it first started? I didn’t have vine at the time so I just watched vine comps on youtube LOL but I was already like a causal a fan of Thomas Sanders. It wasn’t until the third episode which was a crossover with Lily Singh (I was a Lily Singh and Liza Koshy fan back in the day) that I started watching the series though. I got really into it after that and it was one of the first fandoms where I was like actually a super active member (You can look at  the comments on some old prinxiety fanfics for proof of that LOL) I don’t remember exactly when I fell off but I fell off from the fandom for a good while around the Christmas episode where they all sing together through no fault of the series itself. I still watched the series but I didn’t like actively get into it or anything like I used to. Then the asides episode “Flirting with social anxiety” like REALLY dragged me back in hard and suddenly its like 13 year old me woke up as a 18 year old with the freedom to peruse tumblr as much as I wanted and I was back into it HARD. I try not to be ashamed of it but I know its one of those fandoms that gets a lot of shit for both valid and super not valid reasons. Long story short i’ve been a fan for years and unless things catch on fire worse than they already are I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to jump ship. 

Not a side but a character: C!Thomas (which I think is who you're specifically referencing?) (and yes there was a vine where he met the VAS LOL, “Who ate my fries?” ) 

So like I said I’m pretty sure Thomas was big on way Vine before he was really big on Youtube. He did other stuff on Youtube before SASI but SASI has sorta become his flagship. A lot of his characters that he uses for instagram and yes indeed the sides originated on vine. The one I think you’re specifically referencing is a weird one because its not one of the sides. Thomas wore his Steven Universe shirt A LOT way back when so its how a lot of early fans took to drawing him and to some extent still do. This is a weird one like I said hafljad. So Character Thomas or C!Thomas is what fans call the version of himself Thomas portrays in SASI. This sort of relatable everyman online persona he puts on. I’m glad we do this is a good and healthy way to separate the show from the the man and it makes it a lot less weird to see like an in-depth post speculating about Thomas’s mental health when there’s a little C! In front of it to let you know its the Thomas as portrayed in SASI. Like I said the reason you still see the SU shirt even though I can’t remember the last time Thomas wore it and honestly I don’t even really think fans draw him in it anymore is that a lot of the art and fan content that like has the most notes and stuff is from the heyday way back when when he WAS still wearing the SU shirt. So yeah SU shirt guy isn’t one of the sides that is C!Thomas. 

The basic plot of Sanders Sides is that its a guy standing in his living room with various aspects of himself talking about life. It did the very modern western cartoon thing of starting out a lot more episodic with some smaller long running plot threads being slowly introduced and then spinning wildly off the rails with a higher budget and musical numbers and intricate grand storytelling as the show went on but the basics are still the same hflajf. 

Logan

Logan is another character that made the jump from vine and our first actual side on the list! He started as “The Teacher” character. Now it gets confusing down the line as we talk about the old Vine characters and their side counterparts but with Logan I’m pretty sure “The Teacher” is dead and gone so we don’t have to worry about that. 

Sanders Sides characters all belong in name HELL. Its not really a problem with Logan or the other sides like it is for one of the them specifically (cough cough looking at you JANUS) but we’ll get there. 

*The place it causes issues and possible confusion is in shipping. When you see the ship names pop up like “Logicality” “Intrulogical” “Prinxiety” etc the early ones were established popular pairings way before the sides had names so Morality + Logic = Logicality and later ships like “Intrulogical” kept up the name scheme. Where it gets weird is the later ships though where some characters did have names and some didn’t or people just wanted to abandon the naming scheme altogether and just use their names. The WORST culprit of this that I’ve seen happens to be my own dearly beloved “Dukeceit” or “Demus” or “Receit” or “Trashnoodle” Both of the characters were introduced late in the game so naming conventions were DEAD and Janus didn’t get a name for A LONG ASS TIME so its just like I said NAME HELL (it suits them though). I can’t even imagine what poor Orange’s ship names are going to look like.* 

Back to teacher man who I’m afraid I’m treating just as badly as the series whoops…Long story short when the series first started the characters didn’t have names they had roles. So Logan made the jump from Vine as “The Teacher” character and became “Logic.” That is still his role but not what he gets called as a thing that got introduced later was that the sides had names and them telling their name to Thomas was like a very big series deal with a lot of meaning. Logan was the first to get a name.

So Logan is logic, his color is dark blue. One of the OG three (later four). He’s like the part of Thomas’s brain that wants to focus on work and being productive. He struggles with understanding his much more “Feeling based” companions. A lot of his angst is derived from Thomas’s career being so creativity focused a place where he feels he doesn’t really have much to contribute and Thomas’s continued struggles with (mental health) being productive and having a good work flow. A lot MORE of his angst is how often he is talked over, belittled and outright ignored by everyone. Logan deserves a lot better and with where we are in the series right now he’s gonna snap soon so hopefully he’ll get it. Logan is a bit of a funny case in the fandom. In the early days when it was just the four sides (aka when I was in the fandom the first time) he was the least popular side by a long shot. However, this did a full 180 and I would now argue he is the MOST popular side, which caused some cognitive dissonance because by the time the team made a meta-joke about him being the least popular, that shift was already well under way. 

Patton 

Is the “Dad’ character from Vine. The “Dad” character is our first instance where we see a split between SASI and Thomas’s other stuff. I’m pretty sure “Dad” still pops up in some of his skits but like infrequently, but when you see “Dad” in a skit it's not Patton unless stated otherwise. So there’s that weird split I was talking about LOL. Patton made the jump from Vine as the “Dad” character and then became “Morality.” 

So Patton is Morality. His color is light blue and he’s the second side to get his name. One of the OG three (eventually four). Patton is a really interesting character, it's all too easy to label him Thomas’s “Heart” but I feel like that’s an oversimplification. He is Thomas’s judgment, he is Thomas’s sense of right and wrong and yes he is most of his mushy gushy feely stuff. Patton is the “Dad” but in a very real sense he’s also pretty childish and I don’t say that to demean him. He struggles with being blinded by nostalgia and black and white thinking. His main source of angst is that he feels unprepared to be Thomas’s morality now that Thomas is grown up and it's not so easy to tell what’s right and wrong anymore. However, a good source of angst for him is ALSO his deteriorating relationship with his once very good friend and son figure Virgil. 

Patton is a complicated one to talk about because of how much perception of him in the fandom has shifted over the years. There’s always a tendency for the super cheerful friendly one of the bunch to get “Bullied” by the fandom (I’m guilty of it too) and in the early days there was a small pocket that didn’t like him or found him annoying or whatever. However, he was always, I would say, one of the more popular sides, I think he may have even been the most popular behind Virgil at that point.

This has definitely changed in recent years largely due to the introduction of the “Dark Sides,” especially Janus. There was always this tendency for the fandom to infantilize Patton and smush him down to his base components and it was easier to do so early on before Janus. His main role in the story besides being the sort of lovable goofy “White dad guy” who would scold the other sides for cursing (but might accidentally do so himself) was bringing Virgil into their little found family. However, he’s had a bit of a negative character arc lately that I believe we’re on the tail end of now. 

The fandom generally skews young so we’re just as bad about black and white thinking as Patton is. Janus was introduced as the liar to Patton’s honesty and the selfishness to Patton’s selflessness and Patton made a bit of an ass of himself through the rocky introduction process. This is true but it's also true that Janus was directly goading him a lot of the time to try to make him seem bad. So yes Patton has the capability to be a jerk but he was also a jerk under duress. This is also what led to his relationship with Virgil now being so rocky (mostly). We haven’t gotten a conclusion to that yet. I can’t really look at Patton centric posts without them being super divided between the Patton defenders who still love him and the “Patton is the real villain” crowd. Nuance is dead, Patton villain AUs are at an all time high and Patton defenders tend to turn it around and shit on Janus (I may not like Moceit like at all but god bless the enemies to lovers crowd working their asses off here). While he isn’t my FAVORITE I don’t think he deserves this at all and I hope things look up in the future.

Roman 

Roman is an interesting one on the name front. On vine he was “The prince” character and he jumped to sasi as “Creativity.” But he was still actively called the prince  a lot of the time and dressed like a prince, I think it was a little while before we actually got confirmation of what exactly his official title was? This discrepancy comes into play with his ships (which I PROMISE I will stop bringing up eventually LOL). I’m not sure if its just because “Creativity” is a bitch to work into a ship name or because of the thing I mentioned earlier but Roman’s early ships like the juggernaut “Prinxiety” (Prince or “Princey” x Anxiety) and Logince (Logic x Prince). His later ships however like the ever popular sister ship to my beloved dukeceit, Roceit (Roman x Deceit) do not share this descrepency as they simply chose to use the names. 

So Roman is creativity. His color is red and he was the third side to get his name. One of the og three (eventually four). Roman is not just creativity, he is as his name and color suggest Thomas’s capability for romance and romantic love. Now, I don’t remember the last time I saw “The Prince” character pop up in an instagram short or anything but where the same characters different but also characters drama rears its head for Roman is a little series called “Role Slaying with Roman.” The best way I can put it is the whole C.A Cupid MH EAH thing except not really because there it was canon she was the same person who had crossed over into the other world??...Role Slaying with Roman is basically just Thomas’s take on a DND podcast in which he (this is speculation) used Roman as a way to draw in his pre-existing fans by making him his player character. The universes are completely separate, the Romans are completely separate but they are both Roman. The fandoms have gotten pretty good at tagging for this but still I know it is confusing and it is a lot. As far as popularity in the fandom goes he has always been pretty middling and I think it suits him! He deserves to be higher but I think its pretty fitting that he has never ever dipped below the half way point of adoration. Roman is a theater kid extraordinaire, a sweet, slightly selfish, goofy himbo with big big dreams. He is a lover-boy and a bleeding heart. I HAVE to mention his early on rivalry with Virgil and subsequent friendship arc because its one of my favorite parts of the series but I think that about sums it up. Virgil is like the cause of all of Thomas’s stage fright and self doubt so of course the two are going to be at odds. Roman is very antagonist to Virgil because he can be scary so Virgil was antagonistic back but they slowly come to understand each other in a really believable and sweet way culminating in this absolute GUT PUNCH of a speech from Roman in the season finale and UGHH. Ever since they are besties who are constantly friendly bickering; they have a surprisingly healthy and supportive relationship and I love them dearly. Roman continues his trend of being deeply antagonistic to the dark sides by absolutely simultaneously adoring Janus because of his (sarcastic) flattery towards him and hating him after he figures out he’s lying. Janus made his debut in the series by impersonating Patton for a whole episode and it sort of made a fool of Roman and ever since it has been a very one sided rivalry with Roman absolutely HATING Janus. There is also this thing with a callback that he is very conflicted on and it made the whole thing so much worse. He has a hero complex and to him Janus is the villain and that is all he’ll ever be. I feel like it may also have something to do with…Who Janus brings with him but we’ll get there :))))). I feel like I’m talking about other people a lot in Roman’s section but that is where he shines, his relationships to ALL of the other characters are so nuanced and liable to change, especially now with everything that is currently happening in the series. Roman’s main sources of angst have been Thomas sacrificing opportunities for creative success for various reasons, not feeling like he can be Thomas’s “Hero” anymore (similar vibes to Patton) and Nico. Thomas in canon has recently started dating a man named Nico and…Wellll…Let’s just say things seem sweet now in a understandably bumpy but still favorable road…But the whole fandom can smell a break up coming that would push everyone including and especially our favorite prince over the edge. Hopefully he and Virgil don’t get back on the rocks! 

Virgil 

OH VIRGIL. Virgil Virgil Virgil… Originally the “Anxiety” character on Vine Virgil made the jump to SASI and became “Anxiety.” His is the character where you will see the most confusion with or at least it was before Roman. The confusion comes not only from “Anxiety” still being a pretty frequently used character in Thomas’s other content but also from the hoodie and his first arc. When Virgil first appeared in the series (although I don’t know if the episode technically counts?) was episode three in the crossover with Lily Singh I mentioned before. Both Thomas and Lily often spoke about dealing with mental health so Thomas’s anxiety character made an appearance in the episode as a (seemingly) one off antagonist for them to defeat (of course with the mentioned caveat that anxiety was not something you CAN defeat but still the point was he was an obstacle to face). Virgil in that appearance and every subsequent appearance throughout season one appeared in a grey plaid hoodie. However, after being “Redeemed” later on he swapped out the grey hoodie for a more patchwork custom purple hoodie. The Anxiety that appears in Thomas’s relatable instagram content still wears the grey hoodie and (I think) has a sign taped to his chest that simply says “Anxiety.” But the distinction can be hard to make so the confusion was always there and he was definitely the character where it was the most confusing until RSWR.

I think I have a lot to say about Virgil unfortunately. He is undoubtedly a fandom tour de force. In the early days finding a fander who’s favorite side wasn’t Virgil was a chore. He isn’t my favorite anymore but he still means a lot to me. I was a scared and dumb little kid with a family that mocked you for using words like “Mental health” and Virgil was the first time I ever saw a nuanced take on anxiety. He helped me come to terms with my own anxiety and not hate that part of myself. Despite the series later failures with handling nuance and mental health I stand by Virgil being a fantastic character. Besides all that he was just an angsty emo teen Zuko figure who loved MCR and Nightmare Before Christmas of COURSE he was popular.  He is the only one I think could give Logan a run for his money (I would say maybe Janus but Janus also has a fair number of passionate haters). 

Virgil is anxiety. His color is purple and he was the fourth side to get his name. When I say “original three eventually four” he is that fourth I am referring to, he has been around much longer than the two newer sides but also wasn’t in the first two episodes. Our first “Dark Side” on the list but also not really! That gets a little complicated lol. Virgil used to be a dark side, a concept introduced with the introduction of Janus. The dark sides are like the less desirable parts of Thomas, aka his anxiety and others we’ll get to later. Virgil, however, has been confirmed to be a “Neutral” side which will factor in later. Virgil is not just Thomas’s anxiety he is Thomas’s fear in general. We have seen that without him Thomas cannot function, he keeps him safe, he is fight or flight, he seemingly has control over more basic reflexes too or at least keeps them sharp and without him Thomas quote “Doesn’t fear death.” Which isn’t really a bad thing #deathpositive but in this case that refers to him not valuing his life and taking dumb risks like not locking his door or looking both ways to cross the street which is not good. Virgil’s whole arc first season was finding this nuance and coming to be accepted and it is still some of the series best. However, as time went on Virgil stagnated just a hair there wasn’t really anywhere else obvious for him to grow, he was on decent terms with the other three sides. I think this was about the time his popularity dipped slightly but I wasn’t around to see it. ALL of that changed however when Janus popped up and dragged all of Virgil’s history with him. Virgil wants so badly to forget that he was ever “Like them” he worked so hard to get away from being a dark side, from being seen as a threat to Thomas and now Janus waltzes in and just reminds everyone, literally. No literally those two have personal beef and Janus loves taunting Virgil over how he’ll always be a dark side. This is also where what had previously been Virgil’s strongest relationship crumbled, partially? I don’t know if its quite clear what exactly is the root cause but its definitely got something to do with these two factors. One, Patton simultaneously implying that all dark sides were unforgivable by the way he treated Janus but also two, treating Virgil as if he’d never been an antagonist in the first place, just generally not handling a (albeit very difficult situation with much grace). But also Virgil is definitely coded the youngest of the sides I think, he’s the most teenager and as such he acts like a teenager. Virgil (speculation) doesn’t like that Patton would imply he’s just a sweet helpless innocent baby, as much as he would love to distance himself from the dark sides I think someone else erasing that history for him invalidates him. On a less deep level it is a very typical teenager snapping at their parent and giving them the cold shoulder sort of deal LOL. They will work it out. Him and Janus though? His other parent figure? That seems like it may be another story. 

Remus 

OGH REMUS. I have two favorites and he is one of them. That being said there is some…Stuff to say about Remus. Remus was the second out of the two sides made specifically for the series and not being pre-existing characters to be introduced. However, he was the first of the two to get his name so that’s why he comes first on the list. He is the only side to date that has (and likely ever will) given their name the very first time they appear/meet Thomas and I love him for it. As much as I love Remus as a character, him as a concept is…Flawed… 

See, the dark sides seem to be doing the Virgil thing but ramping up in intensity. The series' whole thing seems to be that every part of you can be good and is necessary; you just have to work with yourself not against yourself. Janus is a good example of this. He isn’t a mental health thing like Virgil, but he is something that is often demonized: he is Thomas’s selfishness and the series had a wonderful and deep and complicated conversation about that and what the balance is of prioritizing yourself but still being a kind and giving person who does right by others. His whole arc (which isn’t even quite over yet, hopefully) is probably the best thing the series has ever done and I LOVE it. 

Remus on the other hand…Woof…So. Here’s the thing. Remus represents intrusive thoughts. The way they’ve spun this is that he’s also Thomas’s capability for more adult oriented creativity, darker stories and sex scenes and stuff. He’s all the stuff that Thomas has locked away as a creator who has made his whole brand kid friendly. AND THAT is a deeply deeply interesting conversation to have! However, he’s still intrusive thoughts. Now I can tell you as someone with severe anxiety that anxiety is no damn joke, chest pain, nausea, weak immune system, panic attacks, insomnia NO FUN. However, a big factor here is that anxiety isn’t demonized like intrusive thoughts. 

 I’m going to speak out of my ass here for a bit based on discourse I’ve seen but….There is a lot of nuance here and I deleted a whole paragraph because I feel like I can’t speak with experience on the matter. I haven’t really dealt with intrusive thoughts since I was a pre-teen and my memory there is practically blacked out. A lot of the issues come with just being slightly tone deaf I think and a lot of the other issues come from the person they consulted to write Remus who as I understand it isn’t a great person. Then there was the issue with fanders tagging Remus related posts with “Intrusive thoughts” and clogging up a tag that should have been dedicated to a serious mental health thing with their blorbo. All in all it was just a mess. 

Overall I don’t feel like this is a topic Thomas was fully prepared to handle. As such Remus has sort of been reduced to a joke character which is fine? I guess? I don’t know in his debut episode that was sort of the conclusion: that you shouldn’t take him seriously. BUT, the thing is he has so much damn potential as a character.  Remus. I love Remus and I think there’s a lot there, like I said the conversation about feeling limited as a creative is one I think would be very interesting but I don’t think its ever going to happen. It feels like Remus was meant for more but due to the (rightful) backlash he received he’ll never get it. Its like the series has backed themselves into a corner in my eyes. If they want to make interesting Remus content with the aspect of him that they can talk about in an interesting and nuanced manner they have to reckon with the fact that they tried to tackle a demonized mental health issue and people weren’t happy with the way they did so. MAYBE I’m just a jaded fan who’s sad my blorbo isn’t gonna get the spotlight but I don’t know. In all the supplemental material we’ve gotten since he cropped up he’s been sort of like the lovable outcast buffoon side character that’s just sort of tolerated by everyone and OCCASIONALLY we’ll see a moment where he makes Thomas feel like shit. And I’m like?? Where did THIS come from? It feels like Remus is a song where the last note never played. I LOVE to see him pop up and eat spaghetti with a straw but I’d also love to see him get treated like a character which they really can’t do because they decided to make him intrusive thoughts. MAYBE this legendary alleged four part season finale that’s SUPPOSEDLY on the horizon will give me what I want. But I don’t think so, it feels like the series has already moved on. And honestly? I wouldn’t blame them if they did.

The problem is is that the way the series is set up where “Every part of you has a role” is that at this point Remus doesn’t. It feels counter intuitive to what I think the series is trying to say to have ALL THESE OTHER CHARACTERS with so much nuance and good and bad qualities and then have that one guy over there who’s flat as a piece of cardboard by design. If they want to go the Virgil route with Remus and stick true to their (presumed) message and have that interesting conversation I want they have to deal with the fact that they made him intrusive thoughts. They’re going to have to have a very uncomfortable conversation about just how seriously and with how much value they should treat Remus considering what they’ve made him represent and face more backlash. And I don’t think they’re ever going to and honestly I don’t know if I want them to….UGH sorry its just MNNGHHHH. 

Anyways. Remus. Remus is…Lets call him “Dark creativity.” Which I believe is his official title. His color is green. He is the second out of the three new sides to be introduced and the first to get his name. He is canonically twin brothers with Roman and they are the only sides to canonically have a familial relationship with another side (although this is debatable). Remus is insane, clown car horn honking outside your window at three am insane. He is random and silly and gross and I love him. He cusses, makes sex jokes and has constant props and gags galore. He is also prone to anger and has a temper. He hates being ignored which unfortunately…Remus’s most interesting relationship is probably with his brother Roman although its never really been explored. Its the classic golden child vs fuck up dynamic with Thomas being the parent. Its unclear how Remus actually feels about his brother so far although he did bash him over the head in his debut episode, classic sibling behavior. Roman hates Remus. He hates that Thomas has (sort of because like I said, WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN) accepted Remus and he fears that people may see him and Remus as being alike in any way. Remus hasn’t had much to say on this matter so…A final note on them is that there is a very popular fan theory regarding their history. There is a line in the show about them having “Split like an amoeba” I believe it was which led a lot of people to think they were one person. That. And the fact that their titles are the prince and the duke…Both implying a higher power… 

Logan is the character with which Remus has had the most interesting interactions (hello intrulogical shippers I see you). The dark sides all have light side counterparts, the most direct example is Patton and Janus but Remus is an interesting case. While Remus’s light side counterpart is Roman the side that actually balances him out is Logan. Logan like I said is logic. How do you defeat unreasonable nonsense violence that your brain is spitting at you because its bored? With logic. So the two have a love hate dynamic, they’re very frosty but I think Remus is regretfully fascinated with Logan and fixated on messing with him specifically and I hate to admit it as someone who has a DIFFERENT otp but yeah there is a LOT of tension there (I am so sorry Remuskinn, if you’re reading this). My favorite dynamic with him is one we technically haven’t even seen play out yet in canon but MNNGHHHH. I love them. I have to get into shipping for a minute. So my otp is seen as basic for a very funny reason. The most popular ship in the fandom is an oldie but a goodie “Prinxiety” which is Roman x Virgil. I am sorry to logicality shippers but Logicality Logan x Patton was basically seen as a default if you already shipped Prinxiety. So when Remus and Janus were introduced the people who already shipped Prinxiety and Logicality picked them up as the third duo to complete the default set fhadlfjl. So they are seen as basic despite not really being all that popular? I love them. I’ll give you a bit more on the name because I think its funny. So, the two most popular options are “Demus” and “Dukeceit.” SO. The options for the Remus half of the ship name are as follows: “Remus,” “Duke,” and “Intrusive Thoughts.” He gave away all three in his debut episode which set ship namers into a frenzy because oh god there’s so much to work with what do we pick. For some reason “Intrusive thoughts” + “Deceit” never really caught on although I think “Intruceit” is fine if an ungraceful mouthful. So we get ‘The Duke” + “Deceit” = “Dukeceit” and “Deceit” + “Remus” = “Demus.” Other options are “Receit” “Intruceit” “Janmus” “Trashnoodle” and more. Remus was the main one complicating things here but I also feel like the conflict between the old and new shipping conventions in the fandom was just at an all time high title vs name war. This was only made worse by the fact that Janus didn’t even HAVE a name yet and wouldn’t until well over a year after being introduced. In short: they don’t really have a set name and tagging for them is hell. But in all honesty the chaos suits them. 

Now like I said, we haven’t seen them interact in canon: technically. We’ve seen them interact once or twice on screen in questionably canon content but as of yet they haven’t spoken a word to each other in a main series episode. We are working with scraps here but OH BOY are they filet mignon trimmings JUICY JUICY JUICY. There was a tiktok that Thomas reacted to a while back before even the semi-canon stuff had come out that was to the “Let’s not be to hasty, still I think he’s rather tasty” audio that he said was pretty much a perfect fit if that gives you any idea of them LOL. They have a Jessy and James ISH dynamic in that they’re a dynamic villain duo. They simultaneously have so much in common but also are opposites attract. Remus is all about loud bleating honesty and Janus is the secretive one who keeps his cards close to his chest. Remus fucks around and finds out and Janus is sick of his shit and cleans up his messes. BUT the beauty is he sticks around anyway. There’s a scene in the “incorrect quotes” video where Janus is keeping Remus company during a hospital stay and I think that’s very telling. I identify a lot of with Remus as someone who’s prone to saying shit that makes people look at me funny. Overly honest and kind of a jerk. As someone who is “Unlovable” and gross. So the fact that there is someone who sticks around on purpose and seemingly enjoys his company makes me feel all mushy gushy inside. It's that “There’s someone for everyone” thing. Even beyond shipping their mostly unexplored but semi-canon friendship means literally EVERYTHING to me and the second their dynamic is fucked up is the second I probably can’t stomach to watch the series anymore. Dukeceit fans work with what we got which is NOT A LOT but hey! All I can say is “There’s a snake in my ass” LOL. 

Back on topic: Remus fans work with what we have too which is also not a lot and though I’d like to have hope that that will change in the future I don’t think there is any ground for that hope to stand on…At least there’s always fanfiction. 

Janus 

Janus is arguably my actual favorite character. I just love him SO goddamn much. First of all he has the COOLEST design because his face is literally half snake half human so freakin COOL. I love him. There is so much room for headcanon with that. Like? Does he wear so many layers because he’s all full of secrets or is he just cold because snake? Love love love it. 

I will say that Janus is also not free of controversy largely due to some unfortunate ties to anti-semetic stereotypes that I am definitely not qualified to speak on. Janus. Janus is Deceit and his color is yellow. He was the first of the new three sides to be introduced and the second to get his name. He is the side with the current record for longest time between introduction and name reveal which like I said I think sits at over a year. This suits him perfectly and also his name reveal is one of my favorite moments in the series. His name also not only suits him perfectly but fits very nicely into the current trend of dark side names just being a smorgasbord for Remus to make filthy jokes out of (I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Uranus to be next LOL).  Janus is Thomas’s capability for deceit, to tell lies to not only others but also to lie to himself. He is also his capability to be selfish. Janus is a character where its unclear exactly where his morals lay. He seems like a wrong things for the right reasons kind of guy but the beauty is we don’t really know. He desperately wants to take care of Thomas and to be recognized as a valuable and good part of Thomas. He wants him to blow off work and take a nap once and a while but also maybe to commit some arson. He is all secrets and shadows. He has so many fun motifs: Jeckle and Hyde, shadows, snakes and snake eyes. GOD I LOVE HIM. He’s also super well written too. There’s this fun thing where he seems incredibly intelligent and don’t get me wrong he probably is smart but he’s also bullshitting 90% of the time about as hard as your average uni student writing a 10 page paper. Every single one of his sources he cites is usually deeply flawed, he’s scrabbling for anything he can use to make himself seem smart and capable and all knowing. He also has this super fucking sick thing where he has six arm, six shadow arms Dr. Facilier style that he can use to make the sides “Silence” themselves ala Pearl from Steven Universe and slap a hand over their mouth and it is DOPE. He seems like a bit of a marxist so respect there, he’s been seen reading marxist lit lol. He is sarcastic as hell and you have to watch his tone to see how serious he’s being at any given moment LOL. OH! Also it's generally accepted that he has the power to suppress the other dark sides, letting Thomas lie to himself about them not being there which is why they didn’t start popping up until after he showed himself. So oh my god there is a LOT there too.  All in all everything about him is just SO COOL. 

A lot of his angst seems to come from (since he’s my favorite you have to take everything I say with a grain of salt) the fact that he is in fact deceit and as such no one really ever trusts him. Everyone distrusts him and calls him a monster and all that shit. 

People are really indecisive on Janus. He is super popular but he’s one of the sides where the love and the hate are about split equal. Since he is deceit a lot of people think he’s bullshitting at all times and is secretly just a villain. Not only do I think this goes against what the series seems to be about but everything we’ve gotten of him in the supplemental material thus far (keenly his character playlist) seems to suggest the opposite. He is GENUINELY trying to be accepted. Don’t get me wrong the way he went about this was a mess. Like I said way back in Patton’s section he goaded and manipulated both him and Roman into being their worst selves and making them question their own morality, which in a way is a good thing but come on man. He’s not so blameless but everyone who thinks he’s JUST a one note villain is as blind as poor Roman. Janus is grey not black or white. He’s a flawed and complex character. He’s funny and charming and there is SO much potential for angst. I could write a whole other 10k words just on his playlist alone and also before I forget to mention it he has  THE COOLEST theme music but GOD all this to say Janus is the best. I love him. I hope his arc isn’t quite over there’s so much more I want to see from him before he steps out of the spotlight. 

???🍊???

Speaking of characters stepping in and out of the spotlight. 

So. When Janus was introduced he brought a whole lot of new lore with him. We got this new idea called “Dark sides” the fact that our beloved guys weren’t just sides they were the “Light sides.” Patton and Janus have pretty direct parallels and Roman and Remus and twins. So the dark sides are all connected to and the counter parts of the light sides. This lead to a whole thing with the fandom trying to figure out Virgil. Was he technically a light side or a dark side? How many other sides were there? Was Virgil the dark side that was opposite to Logan? No. No he wasn’t. Thomas confirmed that Virgil was a “Neutral” side and is the only neutral side. Which left one more spot to be filled…

For a while there was debate on what color he was. We knew he was going to be a color of the rainbow based on the pre-existing color scheme. Most people immediately went to orange although there was a small pocket of the fandom that thought it may have been pink. This is because the color pink often appears as an entity on merch. But, pink is C!Thomas, that is the color that represents him (there is another character in the Thomas canon who’s color is pink but he’s not a side). 

We don’t know a lot about Orange. People debated his existence for a while until he was all but confirmed by the confirmation that Virgil technically wasn’t a dark side. He has now in fact been directly confirmed by the series via a series of teasers. Most exciting of which is Logan’s eyes glowing a bright orange. 

Orange. Purpose unknown and color orange. Name has not yet been revealed and neither has the character himself. We can speculate and it seems to be the case the orange represents anger. This ties into Logan as Logan has been shown to repress a lot of anger in the past. He is ignored and belittled a lot by characters that he can’t help but think of as less intelligent than him. So orange is anger or rage. 

The dark sides have been building in intensity. Janus is definitely the most intriguing so far and the one that had the most focus in the narrative but Remus is the scariest. Parts of his debut episode are literally like horror adjacent. Janus was a force to be reckoned with Remus is a force that you CAN’T reckon with…So the idea is that oh boy where does that leave orange? And considering that he’s waited to reveal himself until the four part season finale? OH BOY…Well…🍊

This is almost 10k. I had more to say but honestly I am out of energy even for info-dumping lol. If you are reading this why?? But also thank you ahfkjdahfkja. I’ll probably reblog this at some point with the rest. I’m sorry I used this ask to yell about my blorbos but it made me feel good to do so hfldjafhld. So to answer your question again: Yes but also no. He is C!Thomas.